Intimate Relationships 2e DEMO | W.W. Norton & Co.
Companionate Love Mutual understanding and caring Feelings of intimacy and affection Relationships Sexuality This is an overview of the topics of the chapter. . Tip: See the New York Times article “Is Marriage Counseling Effective?. "A free on-line Sociology of the Family textbook from Utah Valley University written by Dr. Ronald Hammond. Start studying Chapter 5: Intimacy, Friendship, and Love. Learn vocabulary What are the physical benefits provided to us by intimate relationships? Immune .
Then present the theory and ask them to reexamine their definitions. Do their definitions focus mostly on passion? You may wish to tally the predominant tone of each definition and then discuss the results. Eros - passionate, physical love Love Styles Six styles have been identified: Eros - passionate, physical love Ludus - love as a game Storge - love that evolves out of friendship Pragma - pragmatic love Mania - emotional, roller-coaster love Agape - self-less love Technology Tip: In a communal relationship, it may be perceived as strange or offensive if a partner treats it as an exchange relationship.
For example, driving someone to the airport may be done without concern for payment. If the other person offers to pay, it could be perceived as a slight, or at least an indication that the person views the relationship differently. They may be shocked to think that they were engaged in an intimate activity with each other, however from an experiential point of view, they would be very intimately involved.
Physical intimacy occurs in the latter but it is governed by a higher-order strategy, of which the other person may not be aware.
Sociology of the Family
One example is getting close to someone in order to get something from them or give them something. That "something" might not be offered so freely if it did not appear to be an intimate exchange and if the ultimate strategy had been visible at the outset.
Emotionally intimate communal relationships are much more robust and can survive considerable and even ongoing disagreements. Physical and emotional[ edit ] This section needs additional citations for verification.
Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. May Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms So doth the woodbine the sweet honeysuckle gently entwist; the female ivy so enrings the barky fingers of the elm. O, how I love thee!
How I dote on thee!
Love is qualitatively and quantitatively different from likingand the difference is not merely in the presence or absence of sexual attraction. There are three types of love in a relationship: Sacrificial love reflects the subsumption of the individual self will within a union and is said to be expressed within the Christian Godhead and towards humanity. Companionate love involves diminished potent feelings of attachment, an authentic and enduring bond, a sense of mutual commitment, the profound feeling of mutual caring, feeling proud of a mate's accomplishment, and the satisfaction that comes from sharing goals and perspective.
Many define puppy love or infatuation as an immature love experienced by those who are younger and perhaps a bit gullible. Committed love is a love that is loyal and devoted. Two lovers may share committed love with or without: Committed lovers are there when needed by the other person. Altruism is a selfless type of love that serves others while not serving the one who is altruistic. True altruism is hard to find according to some.
Mothers who tend the sick child throughout the night; fathers who work decades in the harsh market place to provide for the family; and even fire fighters who sacrifice their safety to save the lives of others are all considered to be altruistic in their actions. Because so much of what we do in our relationships is considered in the larger overall equation of the fairness in a relationship, selfless acts can be seen as acts which either build a reservoir of goodwill which will later be repaid or creating a debt of sorts in which the other person owes you some selfless service in return.
Chapter 05 - Love and Intimacy
One elderly woman told me that when she was younger you never could have convinced her that the flu could help build her loving relationship to her husband. She said when she was in her 50s she caught a really bad version of the flu and was nearly hospitalized during the worst part of it.
She said one night her husband spent the entire night taking care of her needs. He did this so that I could hold on to what little dignity I had left. After each episode he carefully bathed me and helped me get some sleep. When I finally recovered I realized that my love for him grew dramatically during this illness, because he took care of me and never asked for so much as a thank you for having done it.
Sexual or Passionate lovers are focused on the intensely sensual pleasures that are found with the senses of taste, smell, touch, feel, hear, and sight. Sexual lovers lust one another and feel closest when together and being physical. Sexual lovers can be together for 5 minutes, 5 days, five weeks or five years, but sexual love, by itself typically is short- lived. There is closeness during sex and activities leading up to sex, but not much thereafter.
Sexual love when combined with other love types can be very beneficial to the couple. Sexual love is almost always the love type experienced by those having an extra-marital affair. Friendship love includes intimacy and trust among close friends. In our day, most long-burning or enduring love types form among people who were first close friends. They consider one another to be "go to" friends when advice is needed or when problems need to be talked about together.
Not all friendship lovers become a couple. Many are just close or best friends. Yet, many who spend the rest of their lives together will start out their relationship as friends. Women often desire their man to be taller. Men and women often desire to find a partner with homogamous traits IE: I personally had a friend who always said he would marry a red head.
Each of us has an ideal for a partner and we tend to get some of those characteristics with people we become intimate with and eventually marry. Obsessive lovers live for storms and find peace while they rage. They are often violent or overly aggressive at different levels.
In other words, she may be angry and violent with him, but not with some other guys. He may feel simultaneously drawn to her and repulsed, but not with other gals. Their personality chemistry contributes to the insanity and lack of peace.
Please note, these couples most likely need professional counseling and would probably be better off if they broke up immediately and never saw one another again. At the same time, why would they seek help or leave the person whose entanglements bring them such an occupation with drama and conflict that they are freed from their boredom and entertained at the same time.
Finally there is deceptive love. Deceptive love is formed when one or both partners either consciously or unconsciously mislead the other in an effort to dishonestly establish trust and intimacy. In the catch and release mode one partner lures the other in by pretending to experience all the romance and trappings of falling in love when in reality he or she is tricking the other person.
The trickery is done in a never-ending pursuit of many relationships all of which are initially established and most of which are ultimately never maintained. In other words, he is more interested in falling in love and catching more fish lovers than in staying in love and maintaining a long-term relationship. The catch and release love may not be aware of the unhealthy nature of his or her antics. The deceiver tricks the other in order to gain access to wealth, property, or even power.
The victim in this relationship often discovers too late that he or she was taken advantage of and that he or she has been deceived. Among all these love types lies an underlying truth mentioned before—loving is a risky business where hurt feelings and pain are far too common and wounds and scars from past relationships haunt some long after they form a permanent relationship.
Part of that haunting past for lovers is unrequited love. Unrequited love is the result of one person deeply wanting and intimate relationship with another who simply is not interested and does not reciprocate. Unrequited love is common among younger lovers who misread verbal and nonverbal cues and who often have yet to learn about their own love needs and wants. Understanding love is crucial in the United States because the majority of our population needs to fall in love before they marry.
In other words, love precedes marriage. Outside of the US, in India, China, Africa and other regions of the world, love is hoped for after a couple marries, but not considered as a prerequisite to marriage.
In the US we fall in love then marry and conversely fall out of love then divorce. I would argue that falling into love is truly about falling into the Zone of Vulnerability and a safe sense of self in that intimacy.
Falling out of love is truly about lost trust, lost safety, and lost self once the relationship has reached a point of trouble. For very young couples falling into love and finding that safe place for both selves is easy and is often based on fantasy rather than reason and logic. Teens often have mutually self-serving motivations that make their love feel so real and powerful at the time.
Look at Figure 2 below. For many teens who form intimate relationships, the girls are seeking social status and maturity by having a complex relationship with a boy and by demonstrating to her girlfriends her social capabilities.
Typically, teen girls seek after love, closeness, intimacy, and the status of being a girlfriend, steady, or even engaged. That works conveniently for boys who are seeking physical affection and social status. Take a hypothetical example of Dave who is on the basketball team in high school. He notices that Shiree has been hanging out with his buddies and has asked them details about his availability.
Eventually Dave and Shiree are "a thing" and they date exclusively. Dave pressures Shiree for more sexual expression together. Shiree is not very interested because she really wants the love and all the relationship benefits that come with it.
Dave becomes more and more interested in sex and soon learns that if he makes gestures toward Shiree and their devotion to one another, then Shiree allows physical things to go further and further. After the prom, flowers, Dave letting Shiree wear his varsity jacket, and a promise ring and guarantee, Shiree and Dave become sexually active. Shiree kept the baby, he was the father, and she dumped Dave on the spot. Shiree married and started a family with another man.
Of course this is a true story with names changed to protect identities. But, it is also a very typical story where the girl saw all the trappings of what she thought love was.
The guy saw opportunities for pleasure and social status and each experiences a predictable teen love relationship. This pattern helps to explain in part why teens engage in sex at an early age and why teen pregnancy sometimes occurs from that sex.
This pattern is represented in Figure 2 where the guy makes gestures of romance and willingness to commit to her over time, yet his hidden motive is sexual access to her body and some status seeking among his peers. She shows signs of interest in sexual pleasures, but her core motivation is status-seeking and perhaps the security of a committed relationship with the guy.
They are both in the same relationship but each perceives it in fundamentally different ways.
Of course this model has not been found to apply universally to adults and has not been found to apply to all teen romances.