Personality Type and Relationships
Jan 17, When it comes to relationships, a lot of us want different things to me was the three main personality types when it comes to relationships. Jul 31, How do two persons with different personalities have a better relationship? If we're talking about opposite personalities, there are a couple of options: people. Although the different types of relationships have very different characteristics and specific needs, there are two basic areas which seem to be critical in all.
In a sense the world in the form of children, finances, jobs, elderly parents, etc. Often running what seems like parallel marathons, partners who are different often have a better time of multi-tasking than partners with similar traits. If one is more extroverted and enjoys standing on the soccer field, the other who would rather not is home handling the chores. Long-term married couples with similar traits also report less marital satisfaction than those with opposing traits.
Sometimes when the world of demands steps out, partners either expect their partner to fill in or predict boredom and confinement with one person. The lack of satisfaction often reflects an inability to see self, partner, and life a little differently. I was recently giving a program on marriages at a beautiful hotel when a participant came up during the break to share that he was quite angry — here he was in paradise, and his wife was home.
He was wondering how to approach the subject at home. They are attracted by distance and non-availability. But once things settle down, they get bored or start to see what is missing or not good enough in the other person.
Hence, they have trouble committing. Lasting happiness is elusive. A Romantic perennially longs for a depth and intensity of emotional connection. Yet it always seems missing, and their partner fails to match their idealized yearnings.
They feel special, different, but at times they also feel like a misfit.
Want a Lasting Marriage? Personality Match May Not Matter
They seem to generate dramatic crises, easily feeling rejected, abandoned, jealous, or envious. They can become subject to having huge emotional swings. People have difficulty coping with their intense drama. Others can also feel rejected, as being seen as not good enough. Personal growth for a Romantic is to see what is positive in life in the moment, rather than seeing what is missing. Growth occurs as a Romantic maintains a consistent course of action, despite intense mood swings.
They need to slow down and delay their emotional reactions. Additionally, helping others is good for a Romantic, offering a way to become less self-absorbed. The Observer An Observer tends to think the world demands too much, and gives too little. They focus on protecting themselves from intrusions or demands made on them by others. They need significant amounts of time alone. Emotional states overwhelm an Observer — both their own feelings and those of other people.
Hence they will isolate from their feelings and try to avoid the feelings of the people around them. They retreat to the domain of the mind and intellect. The detached stance of an Observer can leave them feeling isolated. Lots of alone time may also bring with it the pain of feeling lonely. They may then long for connection. Yet at the same time, an Observer feels inadequate when it comes to connecting and dealing with real emotional interchange in relationships.
Others perceive them as unavailable, aloof, and try to get them to open up and talk about their feelings. Their retreat into the intellect can easily be seen as being superior. Personal growth for an Observer is to become comfortable with feelings. Start sensing what you feel.
Personality and Relationships
And reveal this to others, in real time, as soon as you feel it. When you feel like withdrawing, move closer. Participate in life more, engage in conversation and discuss personal things about yourself. Their sense of being safe is challenged by a world that appears to be dangerous. This may take them in one of two directions — towards fear or against it.Which Relationship Type are You?
They may either fear the world, or to deny there is anything to fear. They may then believe you must avoid and escape perceived danger. Or they may believe you must face and fight it. A Loyal Skeptic will tend to be vigilant. They also tend to have many doubts, and can be highly ambivalent. They can easily misread or mistrust others.
There can be difficulties with authority figures — either in the form of excess loyalty and obedience, or rebellion and opposition. Danger can be seen everywhere. This can result in anxiety and fear — and increased vigilance.
The Loyal Skeptic may focus excessively on negative future outcomes, the downside and what could go wrong. Trying to protect themselves from imagined disasters, they will end up acting in ways that create self-fulfilling prophecies. Others may feel a sense of being scrutinized, pursued or accused — often erroneously.
People can be pushed away by the excessive vigilance and attempt to control them. Others resent that the Loyal Skeptic is projecting negative things onto them, and they yearn for a more relaxed state. Personal growth for a Loyal Skeptic is to learn to embrace uncertainty.
Begin to focus on the positive aspects of life, the positive qualities in other people. The Epicure An Epicure is sensitive to how the world is limiting. They are frustrated with this, and try to keep as many options available as possible, to avoid limits or pain. They are the ultimate pleasure seekers. This becomes a major source of distraction, a diversion from deeper purposes and commitments.
Want a Lasting Marriage? Personality Match May Not Matter
Coolidge said his results agree with those of previous studies on marital satisfaction in younger people. What makes a marriage last?
So far, the key to a lasting marriage remains elusive, Coolidge said. Other research suggests differences in personality may be more beneficial than similarities in terms of maintaining a relationship over the long term. In a study of middle-age and older couples some of whom had been together 55 yearsRobert Levenson, of the University of California, Berkeley, found personality similarities were associated with decreased marital satisfaction over a year period. In some areas, personality differences were linked with greater marital success, Levenson said.
This may be because, over the long haul, "different personalities may provide couples with complementary resources for dealing with life's challenges," Levenson told LiveScience. For instance, take a couple in which one partner is more social and the other more detail-oriented.