ESTJ Relationships. ESTJs are very enthusiastic people who are driven to fulfill their obligations and duties, especially those towards their families. Compare ISFP and ESTJ personalities to understand how they best work together. Where are the areas of similarity and potential areas for conflict?. Hello Everyone, I was wondering if some could share their experiences (if you have any) with how well these relationships work. I have been in.
I went through the military while she went overseas to study. When I was done with military I joined her overseas for university education.
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She comes from a top tier family with parents and family friends being top lawyers doctors and her dad being a CEO. I joined university because I was convinced that it was the right path to achieving a better life and only way to provide financial stability for a future family.
She was forced to study a subject she hated in university and was merely scrapping through while I was excelling because I loved the subjects I took and cherish the opportunity my parents had provided for me. Now she is working back in our home country and I'm left with another half a year to complete my degree. I try to communicate constantly with messages and keep asking her why she don't call or make an effort to communicate?
I always believed that we as a couple had to keep things going by showing affection. But it seems that she finds me totally a nuisance and like a small kid for the past 4. She is tired after working every night and She says I pester her too much and she wants to rely on a grown man. Always, she says she wants to be in the top tier earning bracket and she is working hard at it while she says all I do is try to call her and kick up a fuss.
We hardly communicate, not even a phone call once a week. Now she asks for a cooling period saying that she still loves me and hope that during this period I will grow up. She says she sees no future with me since a long period ago but still loves me. The cooling off period is for us to grow and for her to rebalance herself before coming back together. She said she did not want to break up.
Isn't growing up being responsible and earning a good income so that we provide support to the family? I'm in the midst of my education, so I can't see what she is driving at?
I really do love her with all my heart. She is my significant other and I never knew we could come this far. I feel totally trashed.
I try to communicate with her daily because in my family we communicate daily as a form of bonding anything and everything. For her, she seldom communicate with her parents she belongs to a family that only talks when there is a problem.
I dont understand her feelings half the time. In fact i cant seem to get a grip of what she is doing. All i know is she was forced into a career she doesn't like, hate her current job and tries to reach for the top. She tells me that she wants to earn enough so she can be the top tier of the society. Her dad is a ceo. It will take a toll on the person. She feels that she is being forced into the career and i feel its unhealthy. She is okay at what she is doing now and going through the routine of her job but hates it.
She don't feel happy and keeps blaming people around her and she keeps making statements like people are just so stupid. She always says she is tired and cannot seem to feel anymore and is retreating into her own world until she decides to face reality.
Conversely, the ESTJ freely gives approval and affirmation when they are happy or impressed with their mate's behavior.
Whether positive or negative, the ESTJ's expression can be taken at face value, because these individuals are very honest and forthright about how the feel.
ESTJs enjoy spending time with others socializing, and are likely to strongly desire that their partners also take part in these social activities. They are especially interested in any event which is associated with the family, work, or any organization which the ESTJ is part of. Since they are social creatures, they're likely to bring an emphasis on socializing to the relationship - but only after all of their work is done. ESTJs are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and they may even tend to be very unobservant in these respects.
This can cause problems with mates who have a Feeling preference, who may feel hurt or neglected by the ESTJ. If these feelings are pointed out to the ESTJ as an important dynamic of the relationship, rather than harbored internally by the Feeler, the ESTJ is likely to attempt to be more aware of their mate's feelings and emotions.
The ESTJ gladly performs their duties in life, and wants to be appreciated for doing so. This is the greatest gift that their mates can give them - gratitude. How did we arrive at this? Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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The ESTJ sees parenthood as a natural state, and welcomes the opportunity to fulfill their basic obligation to pass on their genes, and to raise children to be responsible, independent adults. ESTJs usually expect that parents should be parents, and children should be children. There is likely to be that parent-child barrier between the ESTJ and their kids, and they are likely to expect that their children will treat them with respect and honor.
They will have no patience for extreme deviation from this basic rule. ESTJs also do not have much tolerance for inefficiency or messiness.
They dislike to see mistakes repeated. Consequently, ESTJ parents may have a difficult time with their children who have Intuitive or Perceiving preferences.
They are extremely practical, and have no understanding or value for the creative imaginations of highly Intuitive children.
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They will also have little patience with the unstructured, "go with the flow" attitude of their Perceiving children. This impatience with other types is a potential downfall for the ESTJ which may manifest itself in an ugly way if the rift occurs with their own children. The ESTJ should remember that what is right for them is not necessarily right for their children.
Whatever difficulties an ESTJ may experience with their child, they will always accept that child back as their own. They are strongly driven to fulfill their duties, and see parenting as one of these "must do" obligations. Children of the ESTJ will usually remember them as dependable, reliable, strict, traditional, and always willing to sacrifice themself for the sake of their children.
They enjoy having fun and spending time with others, especially those who share their interests and pursuits. They are likely to choose to spend free time with friends pursuing some activity or hobby - probably athletic or sports-oriented. They're likely to socialize quite a bit with their own family members, and with people who belong to the same organization or institution as the ESTJ.