Ron Swanson Quotes - A website dedicated to the quotes and wisdom of Ron Ulysses Swanson
Library of Ron Swanson quotes and wisdom. Also includes Ron Parks & Recreation Funko Pop! June 16, Leslie Knope: “Ron, your family is beautiful.” Ron Swanson: “They Ron Swanson meets Leslie Knope at the lake in Pawnee National Park. Leslie Knope: Ron Swanson: “Hello Jack, Ron Swanson. Strong. The characters on Parks & Rec have always put up with Tom Haverford's club openings—and as evidenced in “Meet N Greet” (and earlier places), But Andy, who grew up in a family of brothers, decides tonight is the night. Parks and Recreation s04e05 - Meet 'n' Greet Episode Script. SS is dedicated to The Simpsons My family is very non-confrontational. My parents' method of.
On my first day of college, my father dropped me off.
At the steel mill. He didn't think I should go to college. The Trial of Leslie Knope [4. Tom, will you please tell the committee why we were kissing? An online dating site randomly paired us up, so as a joke I thought it would be funny to pretend you and I were dating.
And then you kissed me as a joke to shut me up. But we never had any other romantic contact after that? No, that would be like dating my older sister's elderly aunt. Swanson, do you - as you claimed - have evidence that links Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt to law-breaking?
I have several photographs that will definitively prove May I remind you that you are under oath and if you lie I will fire you and have you prosecuted. They will definitively prove nothing. Oh, you cut me off. I don't have any evidence! Oh Chris, so silly. Leslie, have fun with this trial.
Your campaign advisors quit. You're running for city council again, Leslie. Youth Outreach and Director of New Media. Image Consultant, Swagger Coach. Office Manager and Volunteer Coordinator. Security, Sweets, Body Man, Javelin, if need be. Transpo', AKA rides in my Benz. You guys didn't tell me we were doing this.
I did not know I was supposed to come up with something. Any other damn thing you might need. Guys, it's so much work. I can't ask you to put your lives on hold. Find one person here who you haven't helped by putting your life on hold. I will just show you to your cubicle. I bet it's a big one, huh Barney? The temp agency said that you are fluent in QuickBooks Pro, correct? Oh right yeah, we should cover that.
Y'see, my resume might not actually be accurate, right? So I have no idea what you're talking about. Don't know what QuickBooks are. You don't have any accounting experience? No, no, no, Barney, c'mon. But you don't have to be an accountant to know that this girl is a Yo, what up, Diaz?
Oh, sharp mouth on her also. Is this the new temp who's supposed to help me with the spreadsheets? You wanna talk about spreading the sheets, we can go back to my place and I will rock your— Barney: So I just go out the same way I came in? The Comeback Kid [4. Leslie, I don't know the first thing about running a political campaign. Ann, you beautiful tropical fish. You're smart as a whip and you're cool under pressure. You've resuscitated a human heart in your bare hands!
You're that good of a nurse. Ann don't listen to your head or your heart. Just look at my eyes and say yes. I believe in you Ann. And your first job as my campaign manager is to start dressing like one. I don't wanna have this conversation again.
You just hired me eight seconds ago. Wow you're doing a really bad job. Did you hear that I'm relaunching my campaign? Actually, no sorry we weren't here to see you. We've been meeting with other potential candidates for City Council. So my campaign ends and just like that you find someone else and run theirs?
Yes that's our job. But I just had a big meeting with my new advisory board and they're brilliant and amazing! I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything. I'll be right in. Well uh, good luck Leslie. Well we don't need luck We are a rocket ship We're relaunching and we're gonna blast past your candid-and they're gone. I no longer have highly trained, professional campaign managers.
Are most murders committed by highly trained, professional assassins? No, they're committed by friends and coworkers! That analogy was way better in my head. That is a three-legged dog. His name is Champion cause he's the dog world's champion. Okay I have to ask this, I'm sorry but how many legs did that dog have when you found him? That what makes him the best! He can do more with three legs than most dogs can do with four. He's really bad a digging. And we remembered what you said about making decisions in the house.
You wanna be involved, we get that. So, you just say the word and Champion goes back to the pound where he can be put down and killed forever. I'm not gonna send a three-legged dog to his death. But I'm also not gonna take care of him for you. Well it would be nice if you helped a little. Because unlike you, Andy and I have jobs. You look like a real campaign manager. Thanks that's because I googled campaign manager and noticed that they wear a lot of dark colors.
See there's more things to look at on the internet besides naked guys Ann. Is there even enough room for everyone? Here sit on my lap. Can't I at least sit on Andy's lap? No that's Champion's spot, he called it. Tom we're already late. Now be a man and sit on that girl's lap. Let's not talk about dunking anymore.
Let's talk about what you wanna do. I think you wanna dunk. I'm not gonna dunk the ball. What about a layup? Officer I've been operating heavy machinery since I was eight years old. Now I respect you and your service to this town and your country, but what laws are we breaking exactly?
Well you got four people in the front seat. Nobody's wearing a seat belt.
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You were speeding and blasting your horn through the hospital zone. The rear of the vehicle's open. Debris' been falling out. And you don't have a commercial license to drive a truck.
Okay well you and I have a philosophical difference on what constitutes a law. Glenn you're killing me. They broke about 50 laws Knope! And that girl, she tried to get that gimp dog to bite me. Look I could sit here and fill out all the paperwork but you and I both know that you'd rather go home to Debra, eat a nice home-cooked meal and do what comes naturally. Ron how's the stage coming? Well, since we had to jettison the bulk of the wood, this is the biggest I could make it.
What happened to the rest of my face!? We had to jetsons most of the poster too but I kinda like it cause windows are the eyes to the house.
Jerry you were in charge of getting a crowd. Please tell me that you pulled a Jerry and no-one's here. Okay well first of all, I don't like it when you guys use that term.
And for the record, I came through. There are almost people out there! Oh damn it Jerry! You just had to do your job didn't you?! Yeah can't you do anything wrong Jerry? I've been looking at our utter and complete lack of experience as a positive thing Sorry my cards got out of order here when they fell. I'm sure that was something positive originally.
I'm sorry, okay this is This is the worst political event ever in history! Well I can assure you people in the bleachers that if you follow my campaign it will be interesting!
He is attractive, and charming, and his family employs half the town. I am a lifelong government bureaucrat who's well versed in the issues.
And those are the kind of sexy qualifications that win elections. Thank you, John, for coming in. The Public Works department is wonderful and you are the best idea man in the business.
Also we're cancelling all of your ongoing projects. What about the Pawnee River dam? Have a nice day. Where will all the water go? Wherever it's headed now. The important thing is the dam is never happening and your dream has been crushed. Bowling For Votes [4. Is everybody feeling good? Oh, I don't know Jerry. It's Sunday night, I'm making phone calls to strangers, and you're in my house.
My life couldn't be worse. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Leslie angrily confronts Tom afterwards about his actions, where he admits that Entertainment has gone bankrupt and that Leslie's meet and greet was his last-ditch effort to acquire clients and save the company. The two reconcile after Tom shows Leslie a video biography of her life that he originally planned to present, and later makes up for ruining the meet and greet by begging and bribing Kernston to give Leslie another meeting.
As the Halloween party ends, April avenges Jerry by stealing Chris' keys and throwing them in the trash. Hey Ron, good to see ya! Weren't you a pirate last year? This is my Halloween costume. I talk about myself all the time, everyone loves me for it. I really am amazing. Look, I don't like to throw around the word "butthead" often.
Parks and Recreation (season 4) - Wikiquote
If you call everyone a butthead, it kind of loses its impact. But I can say without hesitation that Tom is being a real dick. No home is complete without a proper toolbox.
Here's April and Andy's: Let's cut the crap. Is this audit even real?
Meet 'n' Greet
In a sense, yes, but in another, truer sense, no, it is not. I want Ronald back. But I had to learn about his finances to make sure my future was protected. He's acquired quite a bit of gold You are literally a gold digger!
Basically we are being attacked by Godzilla, and to beat Godzilla, we need Mothra. It's time to settle this. Ah, an old fashioned prairie drink-off. Ugh, what's in that jug? It smells like jet fuel! That's Swanson family mash liquor. Made from the finest corn ever grown on American soil. It's only legal use is to strip varnish off of speed boats. If you win, he's all yours, and if I win, I bring him back to the farm for good.
That wasn't the deal! Pour me one too, then. Let me in here!