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Greg Focker is ready to marry his girlfriend, but before he pops the question, he must win over her formidable father, a humorless former CIA agent. Watch. Meet The Parents. For the ah smorgasbord you have so aptly laid at our table this day. And each day. By day. Day by day, by day." By now. Meet the Parents is a American comedy written by Jim Herzfeld and John Hamburg and . He explains the "manly Jewish triumph" of characters like Jeff Goldblum's David Levinson in Independence Day and labels it as a "certain answer.

Though Jack and Bernie get off to a good start, small cracks begin to form between Jack and the Fockers, due to their contrasting personalities. Things are made worse when a chase between the Fockers' dog, Moses, and the Byrnes' cat, Jinx, culminates with Jinx flushing Moses down the RV's toilet, forcing Bernie to destroy it to save Moses, and later on when Bernie accidentally injures Jack's back during a game of football.

Pam, meanwhile, informs Greg that she is pregnant, but the two decide to keep it a secret from Jack, who does not know they are having sex.

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Jack, however, becomes suspicious of Greg's character again when they are introduced to the Focker's housekeeper, Isabel Villalobos Alanna Ubachwith whom Bernie reveals Greg had a sexual affair fifteen years before.

Jack later takes the RV to Isabel's fifteen-year-old son, Jorge Ray Santiagoto fix the toilet, but is disturbed by Jorge's striking resemblance to Greg and begins to suspect he may be Greg's son with Isabel. Growing envious of Bernie and Roz's active sex life, Dina consults Roz on sex tips in order to seduce Jack, but none of them work. Things eventually come to a crunch when Greg is left alone to babysit Little Jack, whom Jack has been raising via the Ferber method.

Despite Jack's instructions to leave Little Jack to self-soothe, Greg cannot bear to listen to Little Jack's cries and tends to the boy to cheer him up, turning the television on to Sesame Streetacting funny and inadvertently teaching Little Jack to say "asshole".

A brief phone call from Roz is long enough for Little Jack to wander out of his pen after Jinx opens it by accidentput on Scarface and glue his hands to a rum bottle. After a furious argument with the Fockers and his own family though amends are quickly madeJack reverts to his old ways and sends Greg and Jorge's hair samples for a DNA test, while inviting Jorge to the Focker's planned engagement party in hopes of getting Greg to admit he is Jorge's father.

At the engagement party, Jack introduces Greg to Jorge, and later when Greg refuses to admit Jorge is his son, Jack injects him with a truth serum to make him talk. On stage, Greg blurts out that Pam is pregnant and that Jorge is indeed his son in a comically Darth Vader -esque manner before finally passing out. When the others realize Jack's actions the next day, another argument ensues and Dina admits that they all knew Pam was pregnant and deliberately did not tell him.

Shocked and hurt by this, Jack leaves with his grandson.

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Bernie and Greg give pursuit, but are tasered and arrested by a corrupt deputy sheriff, LeFlore Tim Blake Nelsonfor speeding. Jack returns to defend them after being informed Greg is not Jorge's father his real father turns out to be a baseball player who also resembles Gregbut the overzealous LeFlore tasers and arrests him as well.

In their cell, Greg, Jack and Bernie make up and are released by the local judge, Ira Shelley Bermanwho is a student of Roz and close friend of the Focker family.

During the credits, Jack watches hidden baby-cam footage of the Fockers giving attention to Little Jack over Jack's previous objections: Roz gives Little Jack chocolate, Bernie advises him to use his crying to disagree with everything Jack says, and Greg pretends to drunkenly tell Little Jack to keep it a secret that he left to smoke pot, not answer the phone, when he left Little Jack unattended which resulted in Jack gluing his hands to a rum bottle and that Pam is not really pregnant and only said it so that Jack would let them get married.

Greg then pretends to only just discover the camera but then after making mocking gestures at it, you realize that Greg knew about it all along and none of the things he said before were true. Little Fockers [ edit ] Main article: Little Fockers Gaylord "Greg" Focker Stiller is preparing to celebrate his twins' fifth birthday party. Recently, Jack has been diagnosed with a heart condition and become embittered by his daughter Debbie's divorce from her husband, Bob whose marriage was the social event in Meet the Parents and how Jack was introduced to Gregfor cheating on her with a nurse.

Jack's plan was originally to name Bob as his successor of the Byrnes family, but decides to pass the role to Greg, naming him "The Godfocker". Despite Greg begrudgingly accepting the role, Jack begins to suspect Greg of infidelity when he sees him with a drug rep, Andi Garcia Albawho openly flirts with him, and the presence of Sustengo erection pills in Greg's house, which prompts Jack to think Greg is no longer sexually attracted to his wife, Pam Polo.

You were acting like a maniac and then you threaten her with a bomb. No, I said I didn't have a bomb. I said it's not like I had a bomb on an airplane. You said bomb on an airplane. What's wrong with saying bomb on an airplane? You can't say bomb on an airplane. A co-worker of Norm's comes in. We've got a specialist. How'd you get here? I didn't do anything, Jack. Well, then tell these guys that I'm not a terrorist. I'm not gonna tell anybody anything until you answer some questions.

Unless you want to spend the next couple of years of your life in prison, you better goddamn well tell me the truth. Did you do this? Just answer the questions. Did you have me taken off of that airplane? Just answer the question. Put your hands over there.

You're sick, you know that? Is your name Gaylord Focker? Are you a male nurse? Are you a pothead? Have you ever smoked pot? And you did that because you were desperately seeking my approval? Because you love my daughter Pam? Do you wanna marry her?

Do you want to marry her? What does that mean? I love your daughter, Jack. I love her more than anything. But frankly, sir, I'm a little terrified of being your son-in-law. This whole weekend has given me a lot of doubts about whether or not I could even survive in your family. I think you've got some serious issues. If I lighten up, would you consider marrying my daughter? Would you lighten up a lot? Would you promise to let me and Pam live our lives and not interfere all the time?

I promise not to interfere in your lives all the time. Will you stop making fun of me for being a nurse? Could you at least try, maybe, to consider another profession? Jack, yes or no? I don't-- I don't hate cats. I just happen to be more of a dog lover. Well, that's okay if you hate cats, Greg. I don't hate cats at all. Just be honest about it. There's some things I hate. I-- I'm being honest.

Honey, why don't we let the kids freshen up, huh? Greg, you come with me. We'll get you something to wear from Jack's closet, okay? Oh, honey, honey, honey, honey. Hey, listen, be nice to this one, okay? I kinda like him.

Shirt fit okay, Greg? Tom Collins coming up. Yeah, but you didn't have to tell them right when we met. It just kinda slipped out. Get your red-hot papooses. My goodness, what is that? Oh, that's just a little something from me. Look, honey, Greg brought us a present. Oh, isn't that nice? Oh, look at this. It's a flower pot with the dirt in it. The bulb of a Jerusalem tulip. Which I was told is one of the rarest and most beautiful flowers in existence. Oh, right, right, the Jerusalem-- From the "Jerusales tulipesias" genus.

Anyway, yeah, the guy said with regular watering, it should bloom in about six months, so-- Oh, we'll look forward to that, Greg. I, uh, I recently got transferred to triage.

Oh, is that better than a nurse? No, Mom, triage is a unit of the E. It's where all the top nurses work. Well-- No, they do.

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No, Jack, not traditionally. Oh, Pam, honey, did you know that your father started his own business? Yes, I thought with my knowledge and experience, why should I allow retirement to stop me? I really admire that. So what is it? What's the new venture? Let me ask you a question, Greg. Let's just say you have kids So, you hire a baby-sitter, someone you think you can trust. References, work experience-- it all checks out fine.

But then how do you really know for certain I mean, can you ever really trust another human being, Greg? Sure, I think so. No, the answer is you cannot. Let me show you something. Take a look at this, Greg.

What's this look like to you? Um-- [Squeaks] This looks like a teddy bear. Smile, you're on "Nanny Camera. I've seen these things advertised on TV. Oh, no, not like this, you haven't. Where's the other camera? Right here in this decorative artifact. Our cameras are motion-activated, so they begin taping as soon as they sense any movement. We can hide 'em in anything.

We hide 'em in mirrors, lamps, televisions, you name it. So no matter where you go, we'll be watching you.

You know, invasion of privacy? Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll understand the need for this level of protection. Honey, I'll get it. Any problem with the documents?

I'll meet you at the Oyster Bay Drugstore in about minutes. Now you gotta be more careful when you call here. If anybody else answers, just use a Southern accent We're all out of Collins mix, so I'm gonna make a run for the store.

I thought I just bought some. You know how that stuff-- it just goes, so I'll be back in a jiff. Well, why doesn't Greg go with you? Sweetie, you'll need something in case your suitcase doesn't show up.

You don't wanna take a chance. You don't have a toothbrush. Okay, unless you want some privacy.

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Why would I need privacy? No, I didn't think you would. Okay, let's head out. Have fun, you guys. Pam, he seems wonderful. We have the best time together. Now, have you two been mm, mm, mm? Oh, thinking about anything permanent. Oh, I don't know.

I mean, we haven't really discussed it, but I definitely have a feeling this is it. This car is-- You got-- What do you use? Hey, you know, Jack, now that we have a second to talk, I just want you to know how much Pam means to me. I know-- I know that we haven't been together that long, but the time that we have spent together has been really incredible. Greg, how come you don't like cats? I don't not like cats. I-l just-- I just prefer dogs.

I mean, I'm just more of a dog kind of, you know-- Come home, wagging their little tails, happy to see you kind of-- You need that assurance? You prefer an emotionally shallow animal? I-- You see, Greg, when you yell at a dog, his tail will go between his legs and cover his genitals, his ears will go down.

A dog is very easy to break, but cats make you work for their affection. You like Peter, Paul and Mary? I'm a big fan. Puff the magic dragon Dragon Lived by the sea Great song. Yeah, one of my favorites. Who would've thought it wasn't really about a dragon, huh? No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me? Some people think that Well, Puff's just the name of the boy's magical dragon. Are you a pothead, Focker?

No, no, no, no, Jack. No, I'm-- I'm not-- I-- I pass on grass all the time. I mean, not all the time. Yes or no, Greg?

  • The best prayer scene

Hey, Greg, I'll meet you back out front in about Do you have any of those nicotine patches? We have the gum. And what's your most expensive bottle of champagne? It's on sale for. You can get a whole bunch of Mumm's. I've been ready, yeah. They ran out of Collins mix. I grew up on a farm. Dankeschoen Get your hot buns, hot patooties. Wow, Dina, everything looks fabulous. It's such a treat for me to have a home-cooked meal like this. Dinner at my house usually consisted of everybody in the kitchen What, there wasn't enough food to go around?

We just never really sat down like a family like this. Oh, uh, well, Greg's Jewish, Dad. You're telling me Jews don't pray, honey? Unless you have some objection.

No, no, no, no, I'd love to. Pam, come on, it's not like I'm a rabbi or something. I said grace at many a dinner table. O dear God, thank You. You are such a good God to us, a kind and gentle And we thank You, Osweet, sweet Lord of hosts You have so aptly lain at our table this day Day by day by day. O dear Lord, three things we pray. To love Thee more dearly, to see Thee more clearly, to follow Thee more nearly Oh, Greg, that was lovely.

That was interesting too. Oh, that's a-- that's a lovely vase. Let me guess, Jack. Is that one of your secret cameras too? Greg, that's an urn which holds the remains of Jack's mother. You didn't know, Greg. I'm-- That's our Gran-gran. We like to think of her as watching over us as we eat. Miss you every day. Oh, honey, why don't you read Greg your poem? Oh, no, he doesn't want to hear that. You see, when Jack had to retire The doctor thought it would be therapeutic if he Honey, you wrote the most beautiful poem about your mother.

Please, we really wanna hear it. It's a work in progress. I'm still not happy with it. As soon as it's ready, then I am going to glaze it onto a plate So-So-- So much love, yet also so much information. Greg, would you like some yams? You must've had vegetables fresher than that, growing up on a farm, Greg. Dad, uh, Greg grew up in Detroit. He told me he grew up on a farm. In fact, Jack, I should clarify this. I didn't actually grow up The house we grew up in was originally erected So that, plus we had a lot of pets-- - Which one did you milk then?

Honey, he said he pumped milk. What have you ever milked? I milked a cat once. You wanna hear a story? My sister had a cat, and the cat birthed a litter of kittens. Must've been of them, and there was this one little runt I went in and just simply, you know, just-- into a little saucer, then took the saucer and fed it to Geppetto-- that's what I named him.

I had-- I had no idea you could milk a cat. Oh, yeah, you can milk anything with nipples. I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? Okay, could we change the subject perhaps? I thought maybe we could celebrate with a little bubbly. Can you milk me? Would anybody care for a bottle of Oyster Bay Drug and Sundries finest champagne? That is so sweet of you, Greg. Isn't that a nice gesture? How could I have seen Debbie's ring, Mom? Well, when I gave Bob the okay to propose to Deb, I put him in touch with my diamond guy, and he picked out the same design Kevin gave you.

Kevin, your old boyfriend? Well, yeah, Kevin was Pam's fianc? Greg, sweetie, how you doing? Oh, just fine, considering I desecrated your grandma's remains, found out you were engaged and had your father ask me to milk him. At least back then he was still talking to me. I can't believe you didn't tell me you were that close. Who, Daddy and me? No, Kevin and you. Do we have to know everything about each other's pasts?

You never told me about your cat-milking days in Motown. That was a long time ago, Pam. Yeah, okay, well, so was this. Kevin's and my connection was more physical than anything else. Like you worked out together? No, no, it was nothing, nothing. It was a stupid sexual thing.

I'm gonna go throw up now. Kevin and I were only engaged for a month before I realized that I'd made a mistake, okay? I-l-l gave back the ring, I moved to Chicago, and I met and fell in love with you, okay, so can we please drop this? I just feel like this is not going well at all. I feel like your dad hates me. He doesn't hate you, sweetie. Just give him a chance, all right? Maybe he's nervous too, huh? I thought he would love my gift, you know, being this big flower guy, but it's like he didn't even show the slightest bit of interest.

You are the most adorable, loving, sweetest man in the whole world, and I love you. And very soon my parents are gonna see that Speaking of growing to love you-- Honey, it's late. I know it's late. Winky is still on Chicago time, and we both know there's only one way to make Mr.

What's with the robe? My pajamas are in the suitcase with everything else. Hey, I'll lend you a pair of Jack's. You don't have to do that, Dina. Look, Greg, I just wanna say, don't worry about what happened tonight. Still, I feel horrible. I mean-- Well, it was a horrible thing. But let's just put all that behind us and enjoy our weekend together. These'll do just fine. See you in the morning. Have a nice sleep. Oh, no, no, no, Greg, we made up the pullout for you down in the den.

Oh, okay, 'cause Pam said I should sleep in Debbie's room. Well, Debbie'll be sleeping here tomorrow. This way, you'll have more privacy, you'll have your own bathroom. Just try not to flush the toilet.

It's always a little quirky. I understand it's the st century, and you've probably had premarital relations with my daughter. But under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. Keep your snake in its cage for hours. At Atlantic American Airways, customer satisfaction always comes first. We are experiencing heavy call volume. Your call is very important to us.

It will be answered in approximately minutes. Please press " " if you'd like to talk to a representative. Please call back-- Oh! I don't know what it is, but there's just something about him that's a little off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jack, you know we've been through this I think Greg-- he's a lovely young man. And, honey, Pam thinks he might be the one.

She said those exact words? I didn't tape record it, Jack, but that's the impression. What kind of a family doesn't have time to sit down for dinner? Please try to enjoy the weekend, honey. Both our daughters are in love. That's what I'm worried about. Oh, geez, I just realized something.

Meet the Parents

Looking for something, Greg? Jesus, Jack, you scared me. I heard a noise, so I came down to see if everything was okay.

I just-- I'm sorry. I saw a light on, and I kinda stumbled in. I didn't realize-- That's okay. No, not at all. I mean, I mean-- I mean, this is great, though. I love this-- what you-- it's a cozy little nook. I noticed you were looking at that when I came in. It's an antique polygraph machine.

Is that what that is? I've seen these before, but I never saw one actually up close. Why don't you try that on? We'll have some fun. I'll show you how it works. You have nothing to hide. They're-- You'd be surprised how accurate they are. They can tell fairly easily if someone's lying or not. Now I'm gonna ask you some questions, and all you have to do is answer "yes" or "no. Let's give it a whirl. Did you fly on an airplane today?

No, it was rare. It was a little rare for my taste. The needles are jumping. Have you ever watched pornographic videos? No, no, I'm just going over some of my answers from the polygraph test your dad gave me. Well, did you lie to him? I mean-- Well, he asked me if we were living together, and-- What'd you tell him?

Your mother walked in Is this how you'd react if I told you he shoved bamboo shoots up my fingernails? Or does he hook all your boyfriends up to his little machine? Well, he doesn't need a machine. He's a human lie detector. Greg, my father was never in the rare flower business. That was just his cover. He was in the C. How could you not tell me this? I wanted to, honey, but it was strictly He's in the C. He was a spy? He is a spy? No, he was more like a psychological profiler.

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They used him to interrogate suspected double agents in the company. I was scared of your dad back when I thought he was a florist. It's wonderful to know that I've actually got a C. You're doing great, okay? This is a lot to take in, honey. Oh, I know, but you're doing fine.

I'm not supposed to let the snake out of my cage. I told your dad I wouldn't touch you for hours. Okay, I'm not in junior high anymore, so-- No, no, no. I want to try to respect his rules, okay? Uh, why don't you go ahead and get some sleep, and I'll see you in the morning. Pam told me she let you in on a little secret of mine last night. Well, as long as you can keep your mouth shut for the rest of your life, you're in no immediate danger.

I'm just being humorous. But the fact is, Greg, with the knowledge you've been given, you are now on the inside of what I like to call Let's go inside and have breakfast.

Not at the table, honey, please. You must be Greg. Nice 'do, nice 'do. I'll do the intros. Greg, this is my sister, Debbie. Nice to meet you. Oh, the bride to be.

Meet the Parents - Wikiquote

You can call me Bob Whoa, now, cut that out. You know, Greg's in medicine, too, Larry. Hey, why don't I get you a chair, Greg? So, you didn't want to go for the M. No, I actually thought about becoming a doctor, but I decided it wasn't for me. Oh, he did more than okay. Why did you take the test if you weren't planning on going to med school?

Well, I wanted to keep my options open, but in the end, nursing was a better fit for me. It gives you the freedom to work in several different areas of medicine. Wasn't your friend Andy supposed to be here by now? I thought Deb told you. Andy threw out his back. He can't make the wedding.

Now I have to reconfigure the whole procession.