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Had they had cataract surgery then I would be able to see but no such luck. I grew up with the pain of light that ment nothing to my brain and caused me to squint and cover my eye with my left palm. People talked to my sister instead of me since my crossed eye made people think I had a mental issue. Othen than the eye I was relatively pretty. I danced ballet, rode horses, got my license to drive at But had serious self esteem issues.

I went away to college, became a teacher and at 25 when my kindergarten students could not look comfortably at me while talking I decided to get surgery.

The doctor removed the cataract in a standard cataract surgery basically making the pupil black as a normal eye using the standard lens implant, and at the same operation did 'muscle surgery to align my eye to track with the right eye. It turned out perfect and 23 years later is still holding strong. People do not know i am blind. Even my inlaws, friends and coworkers don't know. The surgery changed everything for me. People look at me when we talk, and i look at them head high.

The issues i deal with are my own, no 3d, can't look at left arm pit while shaving it, turn my head far to see on keft side using rt eye, squint a lot, wear Shades constantly, and now i am nearsighted in my rt eye So prescription glasses to drive ans see menu at mc donalds etc My surgeon was hawaiian eye clinic dr corboy.

I hope all babies born with cataracts get surgery while they are babies. Bill Gates are you reading this? It would be a great gift to them! I have never really considered the visual limitation to be a handicap as much as an inconvenience.

I have very limited vision in the left eye, and what I do see is very like what you would see looking through an old style window pane, with blobs of blurred color but no real detail. I sometimes tell people it is almost as though the vision in that eye is like an Impressionist painting.

Sort of cool if you think about it. I have never really been teased about my blind eye, which is also lazy as a result of the blindness. The worst experiences I ever had were in P. Try and convince a halfwit Phys Ed teacher that being blind in one eye wreaks havoc with your depth perception. I remember an old Russian fairy tale about someone tricking a troll into trying to squeeze water from a stone.

Trying to reason with a Phys Ed instructor will make you feel genuine sympathy for that troll. All in all though, as an adult I have not really had any trouble with one sided blindness.

Most people seem more curious about it than anything else. I always make sure co-workers are aware of my limited field of view, and I make sure they know that if I do bump into them on my left side, it is because I really didn't see them. A few years back, a couple of my wife's co-workers spotted me waiting in the lobby of a car shop. I was reading a magazine while waiting for my car to be finished. Those co-workers later told my wife they did not understand why I was ignoring them as they waved to get my attention.

She asked them if they were on my right or left side. After a moment's thought they said they were on my left. She apprised them of my unique perspective. They felt sort of bad. My wife and I thought it was hilarious. That is really how I get through the petty imconveniences of one side blindness. I genuinely do find it funny when I bump into things, or when my reach comes up short when I try to grab a door handle or pick up a glass.

My wife and I went to a showing of The Hobbit at a local Imax theater last summer. I bought the tickets online and was very careful to check that the film was not listed as the 3D version.

We got to the theater and were waiting to be seated when an employee handed us 3D glasses. We still laugh over that. I can see where someone could get very angry over such petty annoyances. I choose to deal with that sort of thing with humor. I find more joy than most people would suspect possible in what is unquestionably a handicap.

The thing is, whatever label you hang on it, it is my reality. I can find amusement or misery in it. Laughing at the absurdity of it is just more fun.

I thought im the only one suffering on having a blind left eye. I was born with cataract on my left eye and due to financial difficulties it was only removed when i was 18 years old. Since childhood i have experience a lot of insecurities because of my eye. My left eye is smaller compare to my right eye. I wonder if contact lense can help to make it more equal to my right eye. I was born blind in my left eye due to optic nerve hypoplasia. I am now Not a chance I'm willing to take.

I have had many of the same issues over my life, but they really haven't stopped me.

Anyone Born Blind in One Eye?

I played some sports, but wasn't very good at them. I trip or run into things a lot because of the lack of depth perception. I cannot watch 3D movies which is rough because I love movies. Other than that I have lived a pretty normal life. I used to get made fun of for my lazy eye and I am still extremely self conscious about it.

I don't generally look people in the eye when talking or I look around so they don't notice the wandering eye. Kids have the hardest time with it and will always say something.

People will often think I am taking to someone behind them. I just try to laugh it off and explain what is wrong. I also have trouble with my makeup. Putting on eyeliner is very difficult lol. But really if that's they only thing that I have trouble with I'm happy.

The only thing that bothers me is the wandering eye. I hate looking people in the eye because of it. Many people don't notice, but the few that do make it hard. There are things I haven't done because of it and I don't think I'll ever get over it. I've gotten much better as I have gotten older and I don't think it had hindered me in a job or anything like that. I am so glad to hear about other people with the same condition. Which it really makes ne feel already part of a bug community and family.

I was born blind in my left eye and Diagnosed with Glaucoma in the right one at tje age of 6 and with a small tumor over my left eyebrow which grew and was finally removed at that age. As all of you I struggled growing up with that typical question of Why your eye is like this?

Do you see with that aye? Can't you have a surgery? And treated differently from some people as if I were begging them to do so. I'm 29 now and single. I've got that problem thing of "making eye contact" that boys love so much. I'd really like to share my story.

In fact, I'm happy you guys are here to share one same feeling but I'm not sure you will read it. So i will Share to you my story, some lines or phrase might be familiar to you because as soon as ive read it here it hits my heart because thats what i exactly feel. Credits to all of you. The power of my right eye During my childhood i had a very limited vision with my left eye.

I can only see colors and all clouds. Experienced a lot of teasing and a lot of invented eye related names for me as i grow up due to my lazy left eye. When i'm talking to someone usually they will look back to check if i'm talking or looking to someone else thats why im trying my best not to look at anyone straight in the eye because i feel embarassed and uncomfortable.

When i was in grade school, my mom and I went to an eye doctor who told us that they can try to do lazer for my left eye but NO Assurance that it will be fixed.

Its like an experiment because my case is really rare and even in the states they dont have cure for it yes even eye transplant. As I grew older, my limited vision on my left eye becomes non existent. Or should i say totally blind. I'm left eye blind. Then my cousin who works in a prestigious eye hospital here in Philippines got me a good doctor to get my eyes checked again and did some test. Unfortunately untill now its a hopeless case. Not all of my friends or relatives knows that, who wants to be loud and proud about her disability?

So i just let them think its just lazy eyes. I have a lot of experience when it comes to people noticing my eyes in a descrete and careless way. Some are offensive but some are just plain curious, one time when i catch a person staring straight in my eyes i tell him Ohhh im blind on the left eye thats why its wandering somewhere hahaha then they'll doubt that i'm not telling the truth Then i tell myself who would lie about being blind?.

As i grow up my left eye problem was never a burden to me. But as a girl who loves make ups its a little hard specially puting eye make ups that requires you to close eye like puting eye shadows and eye liners. Watching 3d films is a big No No for me too. But i guess my personality was too strong for my disability. But i cant say i'm i was never bothered by my wandering eyes but ofcourse it does. I often mistaken to be a snob because i dont look at people straight in the eyes or some thought i saw them from far view maybe by my left eye not the right hahaha I strive hard to be better or good at all the things that interest me even at driving ahhhh yesss driving is my life even though my mom always gets mad at me when i'm driving at night but its part my life, i love to drive it maybe day or night.

Today i was studying for drivers license test in the states then i wondered if i will Also get a day time driving permit just like here in the Philippines. Then i saw a group of people with the same exprience with me o read all their stories, it made me smile and told myself i'm not alone. Some needs to wear fake eyeball or wear eye patch like pirates, some they cant open their one eye and some both of their eyes are blind.

I wish i could say that i was never bothered with my wandering left eye. But at the end of the day i thank God for giving me a good life, for making me a strong person, for giving me the best and supportive family, a lot of very understanding friends who's already used to my eye and acts like its i'm still looking straight at them and the best give that God gave me is the power of my right eye.

I am a 62 year old man who was born blind in my right eye. My right socket holds an under developed eyeball, smaller than normal, with a tiny black spot that would have been my pupil. To give you a high level overview of my one-eyed life, I had no mental problem until I was fitted with an artificial eye at the age of eight.

I could write a book on what went on since then. Mainly, my self-esteem crashed. I was afraid to meet new people because of the, "What happened to your eye? High, I saw the gorgeous developing girls, but could not, did not, approach any to get to know them.

Now I know the joy I missed. I finally had one date in my senior year of high school and it was a train-wreck! She was fine it and I think we could have had a great time, but I had a full blown Panic Attack. I didn't know what Panic Anxiety attacks were then, and didn't know they were a treatable, recognized, official Medical disorder. I met my bride at age 21 at Church and when we saw each other, it was love at first sight. I met her that night, and we were almost instantly an "item.

We married one year later and had one daughter two eyes when I was I still had panic attacks and I learned a trick that helped prevent many more. Of course, my "blind spot" is on my right side. If the person of my attention sits to my right in Church as my beautiful date did, a concert, or any significant event you want to share, I go berserk, break out sweating profusely, can't breath, and suffer all that is a panic attack. When I went to Church or any such assembly, I sat comfortably on the right side such that my significant others were between the speaker and me.

Eye contact was very easy with such a seating arrangement with the speaker and all my friends. To sum it up, live in your field of vision. It takes work, practice, and persistence.

My family learned "Daddy's gonna sit on the end. Since High School, I was interested in flying. At age 33, I researched the possibility and found that the FAA allows monocular one-eyed persons to get a pilots license with a medical waiver. What the means is after you learn to fly, but before your final check ride that makes you a pilot, legally, you must pass a flight test with an FAA Medical Examiner.

I began flight training in April of my 34th year, and in October, of the same year, I passed my check ride. I was a legal Private Pilot and had a blast with my little Cessna I had absolutely no vision problems.

I had vision challenges but was taught how to overcome the reduced field-of-vision challenges any monocular person has. I flew at daytime and I had some soul-stirring flights at night.

I often flew alone, near 10, ft. You may notice that was my life's "Crowning Experience" to satisfy my own desires and answer the nay-sayers that prophesied it couldn't be done. You must acknowledge your limits.

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I cannot use a binocular microscope. I cannot get the effect of a 3-D movie, they tell me, though I've never tried. I'm sure there are other things I can't do but I don't worry about it. I have always done what I choose to do if it's legal and didn't listen to the uneducated pessimists who think we are handicapped. I could do anything I wanted to Until the events described below knocked me out of the pilot's seat.

I was medically disabled at the age of 39 due to abdominal medical problems initiated by severe diverticulitis and a ruptured colon. Six surgeries followed and I had a morphine infusion pump implanted in my gut. I flew no more and at age 50, was declared totally disabled by my company and the Federal medical folks. I wish my parents had known they had a huge job ahead to take action for me to regain my self-esteem. I've had a great life. While being true to my vows of matrimony, I have deeply loved three other young ladies.

I'm talking about three very close friends, whose souls seemed to touch mine, but they knew I was married, so while we knew we "loved" each other, we truly and successfully loved with restraint. The blind eye was never an issue in my relationships, employment, or anything else I can think of after I connected my psychological issues with the blind eye.

I'm trying to make the point to you who follow me into a life with reduced vision, it will not prevent you from living a full life including forming strong, loving, and satisfying relationships with the opposite sex. God Bless You who are so young, and have a long life ahead of you. Learn now, please, that the medical world is changing to treat issues of anxiety, and depression, both of which I think most or all of us have either had, or still have, and are in need of diagnosing and treatment.

Don't be afraid to go to a shrink and talk this out! Seriously, it may save your life. I pray this testimony will hit the heart of someone who is hurting and struggling with what to do. People care for you and your eye is not an issue. God put you here for a reason. I too am blind in one eye and exhibit a small amount of "laziness" in that eye damaged O. Anyway, I am at a large university with goals of med school and was curious to see if there were any major hurdles for you in terms of practicing med or interview processes etc.

Btw, is there a pm option here? I've just stumbled upon your post so I'd share my experience with you. I was born 6months 34wks as a premise and I suffered lots of health problems such as CLD chronic lung disease and lazy eyes. Luckily, I do not have any respiratory problems now but what concerns me most is about my lazy eye. I was told by my parents that I had some kind of treatment as a child in order to decrease my eye degree on both my eyes since it was really really high.

Recently, I've just had my eye checkup and my left eye went up by 50 degrees and its now degrees while my right eye lazy eye still remains the same at about degrees. If i ever go blind, m screwed: So heres a summary of what ive been doing over the years. I have school and its usually about 9hours, sometimes up to13hours per day.

Thats all xD Re: I hate 3d movies they give me a headache because I can't see them properly. I went to an OT to help me figure out better ways to get around as the depth perception thing was getting worse for me. Needless to say she didn't believe I was having trouble and everything she suggested was stuff I had been doing since I was kid I'm in my thirties now.

I hear a lot of people saying its hard to look people in the eye. I never do and on top of visual impairements I have Asperger's syndrome a form of high functioning autism.

I often tilt my head to look at things or people. I finally after 8months of fighting was able to get a mobility cane. I have had a lot of problems with eye contact issues my whole lifeplus my "bad" eye tends to be lazy because I don't use it. I have had surgery to fix some of the laziness, but over time it just goes back to normal.

I am currently seeking a vitreous specialist to see what my other options are. I am afraid my eye will deteriorate and will require removal or other extreme measures. Hang in there, everybody! At least we have some sight. I am very thankful. I also have High functioning Autism Aspergers and have always had trouble with eye contact. It has been a struggle to get what I need in terms of mobility training but I finally got a great place near me to help me out and offered to get me a mobility cane and training after I injured myself on vacation walking into a metal lamppost will do that I am feeling a bit self conscious about being on here and using my cane at work.

I am new to this site. Many kids growing up made fun of me even today in high school. The most common question I get is are you looking at me or are you talking to me which drives me crazy especially because every time I'm speaking to somebody new there isn't anybody around to make it seem in talking to them instead. I did have surgery on my eye about 4 years ago but it hasn't helped and it's actually gotten worse I had glasses and those helped a lot but they recently broke and I've noticed my good eyes vision has gotten very blurry I'm considering having another surgery but not sure I'm extremely glad I found this website with people I can relate to because I'm the only person in school who has a lazy eye and everybody stares at me all the time.

I try my best to not let my appearance bother me but have realized I have developed anxiety because of it. Im a 23 year old med student, only a few months left till I'm a doctor and have been blind since my birth. A friend of my parents noticed my eyes were a little missaligned when I was 6 and my parents took me to a lot of specialists. I don't know the actual diagnosis, and frankly the reason why isn't that important as the outcomes won't differ. My parents told me the space where the optic nerve enters the eye was too narrow.

Even though it doesn't really matter what the diagnosis is I really WANT to know, especially as someone who is going to be a doctor soon. If I don't know what my patient has I get motivated to help that person and think along in the process so it is a little weird considering I'm the patient right now. My left eye doesn't wander too much I heard but I have the feeling this may has increased over the years.

I really don't experience much annoyance from this, to be honest I just try to be me. Partly because my parents told me not to tell people as they were afraid I would be bullied. I'm in my early twenties now and I'm thinking of getting corrective surgery for the wandering eye.

Too bad I've heard the outcome will only last a few years. I've seen these operations happen in my eye clinic rotation which was really strange and confronting. I could never become a surgeon as I Lack the real depth perception. I really am curious as to how people "see" us. Will my life really be better if I wasn't crossed eyed? Would I've hooked up with more girls if I didn't? Not that I didn't have girlfriends but still. It makes you wonder sometimes how it would have been.

The only downside I ever felt was my skills in sports. I felt like the awkward kid a few times in the school sport activities. One moment I really remember was when my dad told me about a guy who was cross eyed and joked to me that his eyes weren't straight. I think my eyes weren't too cross eyed then so he didn't realize he also insulted me. If my dad who I have tons and tons of respect for as a human being and overall a great dad could say something like that about someone, how many people thought the same about me?

To end on a good note, luckily I Dont think about my eye often, maybe a few times per year and life has been great so farm: I was born blind in one eye- optic nerve hypoplasia.

I don't know if it's been much of a hassle or not. I'd be rich if I charged a pound I'm in UK for every double take I get when people hear I'm blind, followed by checking how many fingers I can see etc I'm not great with eye contact, as my blind eye was fixed for turning years ago, but now wanders I guess it freaks people out a lot to have me talking to them when one eye is busy on a holiday around the room!

I have been told in the past I make people unsettled, as I 'look through' them. Plus, most of my friends now know I am clumsy and the best way to avoid getting trod on is to stay on my good side. I wear day eye makeup to hide the wandering eye a bit, except at Halloween, when I team it with an awesome lizard eye contact in my good eye. I drive, I work as a photographer- I ddon't think it affected me much that way. Self-conscious- very much so.

I hate people looking at me for various reasons, my eye being one. Scrutinising, I mean, glances or candid looks are fine. I am not worried for now. I do worry about stresses and age, though Re: I had radiation therapy but with that my right eye got legally blind so I just have my good left eye to see things.

I never had much of a problem growing up and people seeing me differently. Only thing is I wear thick glasses but other than that when I meet new people they're surprised when I tell then I am legally blind in my right eye. See I guess it seems normal. I've been very self-concious about my eyes since I lost my left on a car accident. I have have a prosthetic eyes.

I have had since have not had a relationship with a woman. They have been spooked by my prosthetic eye. So I think it would be really nice to see if I can make the right connection with a woman perhaps through here. Has anyone been upfront with having a prosthetic eye? I have had problems with avoiding admitting and being honest from the beginning of a relationship.

I'm turning 16 in a month and a half. My right eye is fine but my left eye is blind with a cataract. When i was younger I didn't know I was half blind so when my parents took me to the doctors I thought my parents thought I was crazy.

I had 2 surgeries; 1. I used to be really self conscious about my eye but I guess it doesn't bother me as much anymore since my friends think my cataract looks like a moon or a pearl. The boy who liked me liked 10x more when he found out. I don't mind the cataract anymore but I want cosmetic surgery done so my left eye and my right eye look around the same size. I just a little self conscious with the uneven size. I don't know if having cosmetic surgery can fix it simply because my left eye looks like it's sunken in more.

Right eye has had retinal detachment twice, but I still can see and work full time and drive, but not at night. My dr recently told me my blind eye may be turning soft and may need an artificial eye if it starts to shrink. Anyone else had this problem?

I graduated college but I am so scared to drive a car, I know if I drive I can't see over my shoulder. It's sad because I live close to Detroit and everybody drives defensively so scared to drive in America They tried the patch thing when I was 5 and it didn't work.

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The first eye doctor told my parents I would never walk or be able to attend school. I did both as well as ride motorcycles, play sports, and normal activities.

I found out 5 years ago I had nerve damage in the bad eye and it was never capable of seeing. Now I have a cataract in the bad eye and loosing vision in the good one because of age. I know my limits and try to avoid damage to the good eye. I hate bright lights on cars at night!! You can't tell the eye is bad unless I tell you.

There are jobs I can't do because of the bad eye. I would love to see out of 2 eyes, but it would scare me half to death to see everything bigger and brighter. My brain only knows one way to see. My parents say that the optic nerve didn't fully develope. Anyways a few months ago my Physics teacher starts getting into vision and we did an experiment where you cover one eye with your hand and the other eye stays open in the light. You are suppose to uncover your eye after a minute or two and the eyes that was covered should see the room darker because it adapted to the dark.

Obviously I could not do the experiment and it was not embarrassing at all. Actually most of the people at my school know about my eye and look up to me because I can still play sports and am very athletic. So the point of telling you about the experiment was because after the teacher found out about my blindness he started asking me questions and was very interested.

He started going into how you need two eyes to have depth perception and tell if one thing is closer or farther away. How people blind in one eye actually get around my using shadows and other cheats. It's actaully really amazing. So the fact that I pitch 60 mph on my travel softball team is incredible.

The fact that I am on my way to going to college to play. The fact that I can throw and catch a ball. The fact that I can pitch and hit the exact spot I want it to go. So what I am saying is anything is possible.

And yes my lazy eye used to bother me but the more you think about it the more other people do. So honestly rock that lazy eye. Spike that volleyball when you can't even see it. Use muscle memory to your advantage in sports. I'm 40 ish - been blind in 1 eye since birth. It was a long ago I remember going to dr but nothing they could do. I've had it checked as an adult and it needed to make connections in the first 7 years or something like that so there's no chance of repair.

I don't even know the reason But my folks would joke that my mom looked into the sun too long. I've had many dr say they can remove the white but I ask "will I see" and they say no and I say "then you ain't touching my eye". The white doesn't bother me. And I find only people really good at eye contact even notice. Had my share of name calling in middle school - nothing that haunts me today.

Grow up and move on I say. I have had issues with my good eye. That freaks me out. Wore my contact on a boat in the sun one summer I think I got some ray burn and my eye has never been the same.

I no longer can wear contact. I also had uveitis in that eye I have no depth perception can't see 3d. I've gotten along fine in life Now if I could just put liner on my lid.

My name is Romina and I was born with congenital glaucoma, I was really lucky, though, it only left me with partial blindness in my right eye. I can relate to many of you, about your insecurities mainly. When I was little it wasn't a problem, because I didn't even noticed that I had almost no vision in my right eye that is because I luckily have a really good vision in the left one But as I grew up I started to notice that I couldn't really see things with my right eye, and it surprised me a lot.

Then I started to notice that one of my eyes was bigger than the other, and that one had an operation mark or something. I though that I was living in a lie, I knew that I had had some eye operations when I was three years old but I didn't really saw the difference between my both eyes. I started feeling insecure about how I looked and how the other people saw me.

It really bothered me and maybe it still does a little. I still hate making eye contact and I am constantly looking to the ground, but I try to think of how many wonderful things Ive been blessed with. Anyways, its wonderful to find people that feel the same! Sorry for my bad english hehe I am actually a spanish speaker so I am trying to do my best. In elementary I couldn't control my left eye and to make it worse the pupil was smaller and off to one side because the iris didn't fall away like it was supposed to.

Because of that the other kids were disturbed and stayed away from me. In middle school I learned to control it by closing my right I and concentrating on my left. I also found that if you look at the cheek of the person your speaking to, they don't notice anything different. Or give me advice or some information. Its very distressing and feel like no one cares.

My name is Chas I'm 20 years old. I've been blind in one eye since day 1. I had to quit all my favorite sports because my eye would always wonder around whenever im energetic or tired. I was so embarrassed I dropped out of school. My dad died, things got super bad.

At 17 years old I started partying and doing illegal drugs. I actually became an addicted crystal meth chronic for 2 years. I lived that crazy life then finally hit rock bottom on my 19 birthday. My entire family disowned me, I really hated everything about Life. I got into a Christian program, stayed there for about 6months.

Meet a really awesome loving Guy there, who loves me for who I am and excepts me exactly the way I am. I never met anyone with the same eye problem as me, but I am grateful to have read all you're story's. I have much much much more to write but my EYE is acting up, haha. God bless us all We deserve miracles guys Just believe and have faith.

I am 21 years old and from the United States. I was born one month premature and completely blind in my left eye due to Opticnerve Hypoplasia. This means that since I was born early my left eye did not have time to develop. I cannot see anything out of my left eye at all. Been seeing a lot of her, actually. She's trying to get Friday night off work so she can fix me a home-cooked meal.

Turns out, right, she's got this whole Martha Stewart side to her. Which, combined with her raw honesty and lack of intellectual pretense is giving me a sense of emotional intimacy I've not felt in a long time, you know? God, I thought he'd never shut up. Let me tell you a story.

When we first came up with the 'Suspected Zombies' list, Vaughn's idea was to send them all letters, zombies and non-zombies alike, informing them they'd won an all-expense-paid Hawaiian cruise. And then scuttle the ship in the middle of the Pacific. Your work, distasteful as you find it, saves lives. I am literally going through hell.

Do you even care? Okay, you've literally forgotten the meaning of the word "Literally. It's not my fault! All my friends are cold-hearted bitches, and that includes the men. Why is everyone abandoning me? I just really need a pinot and some salty chocolate right now. I just had to see what you think of these bad girls. If they don't make you want to cross-dress, I don't know what will. You ever hear of casual Friday?

You ever hear of casual elegance? What's wrong, were your bib overalls in your wash tub? Is this a Seattle morgue or a Milan catwalk? I literally had nothing to wear until she gave me a free pass to raid her closet. I thought this was a good look for work, because I wear this dress like someone's paying me to. Oh, as I do with this.

What's with the face? What if my voice cracks? What if, in the middle of my song, some redneck shouts out, 'Show us your hooters!

Oh, 'if, if, if. From the moment that I met you I knew that we were meant to be together. I was sure of it. It was like fate. But that was before I witnessed a mass murder.

Before I'd eaten fresh brain, before I'd lied to you, or let you put yourself in a mental hospital. It was before I watched you die. And it was before all of this cruelty was directed back at me. Now, I don't think space can fix what's wrong with us. We're a dream that's dead.

I doubt that I will ever stop loving you, but it's over now. I gotta let you go. Uh, thanks for stopping by. You stalked me, and you brought me a present? That birthday cake you left last night. It meant the world to me. When I left, I can't lie, I resented you. I can't tell if it was more, 'I can't believe my best friend is a zombie,' or, 'I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me she's a zombie. While I was away I had a chance to put myself in your shoes, and Ugh, I realized how hard this last year must have been for you.

You gave up being a surgeon, you gave up the love of your life. And then I bailed. Well, to be fair, you had just seen me stab someone in the head. I'm coming here like and adult, trying to talk to you. How can you be this cold to me?

Who exactly am I being cold to? Uh, who-whose brain did you eat this week? Oh, this is all me! And in case you've forgotten, I didn't ask for this. I went to a party because you told me I should.

I woke up on a shore craving brains. And next thing I know, I've cracked this corpse's head open How could I bring that home to you?

How could I be your wife? I had become a monster. And I was confused, and I was dangerous. Every decision that I made last year, I made trying to protect you from my new reality. I-I know that in your eyes I screwed up badly along the line, but I did the best I could. You know, I just I keep asking you for some space, and every time I turn around, here you are.

Making me doubt the only thing in my life that I was sure was real. You spend your life in a comfortable dream state believing in destiny.

Then reality snaps you awake like a kick in the teeth. Bad things happen as often as good things. People who think they're meant to be together, aren't. Turns out we're nothing more than chemicals hurtling through space, haphazardly bouncing off each other [there's a knock on Liv's front door] [narrating] Feeling stupid we ever believed there was some grand plan. Do you have any open sores in your mouth? Well, it's hard to put a label on it just yet.

But I'll get back to you in a minute. We don't know enough about how the zombie is transferred. How hard have you been brushing your teeth. How are you feeling? Who doesn't enjoy waking up to a beautiful woman cutting off his circulation? Kissing moratorium until we're sure I just didn't turn you into a zombie. So we're going the Pretty Woman no-kissing-on-the-mouth route.

Horny boys are the worst. When all your blood returns to the normal locations in your body, you're gonna care whether that make-out session has left you living or living dead. Unless there's a cure, we have no future as a couple.

You sure about that? Well, think about it. You've always wanted kids. That could never happen. Clearly, not ready to write that off. I seem to recall a couple items on the menu that don't involve exchanging fluids. I could be holding your arm, walking down an icy sidewalk.

I slip, I reach out for you, I scratch you, instant zombie. Mike Hayden, night security guard. Shot through the heart. And who's to blame?

Nothing more primal than a zombie craving brains. Wonder what fresh hell this is going to be. In cricket, a night watchmen is a low-order batsman moved up in an effort to maintain the strike till the end Erving at Max Rager watch a zombie try to pick up a cane] Gilda: It's like watching my mother try to refold a map.

The cane is right there. This is what I'm telling you. This is as far as I can go with these mindless shamblers. Now, if we're gonna make any real headway with the Super Max recipe, we need the DNA of a coherent, intelligent, functional zombie. You live with a functional zombie. Can you get me some of her blood? Are you thinking she keeps a vial of it in her makeup drawer, or are you expecting me to shiv her? Clear eyes, full stomachs, can't lose. You're a Knicks fan? I've had this mug as long as you've known me.

You're just now realizing I'm a fan. I'm just impressed you broadcast it. Nice job using your lottery pick this year on Kristaps Porzingis. We're really talking about basketball now? I caught you trying to put paperclips in here a couple week ago. You thought it was for knick-knacks. Good news is you're not dead. Bad news is you have to come up with some other excuse for not responding to my text.

Yeah, well, I didn't get it until this morning. But it did make my heart flutter. You have to earn me spelling words out in their entirety. Who chokes someone at basketball practice? Well, Latrell Sprewell does. A Knick, wasn't he? Not at the time. We can watch Hoosiers. After all these years? You've always refused before.

But that's not an issue anymore, friend. Liv, what are we doing here? You mean, with this ragtag group of disadvantaged kids who tragically lost their coach a few days ago? Oh, did I forget to mention they'd be here?

So, how many zombies removals can I put you down for this week? How many people are you going to murder this week?

How about we shoot for two. Go big or go home, I say. We should eat some chicken wings and maybe talk about whether the movie Casino is any good. Seriously, I sound like a cartoon character being murdered. I wouldn't want to put you through it.

And what about you? It's like a convent up in here. If it's indeed the right stuff, you'll soon be zombie rats. Your courage will neither be forgotten, nor in vain. Do I have a volunteer? Do you know what I keep asking myself? Why didn't the Seahawks just give the ball to Marshawn? How stupid we must be? I'm going to remind you something, son. Something you already know.

The world ain't all Dilly Bars and debutante balls. The world throws wicked punches. It wants to see who goes down easy. Some people stay down on the mat. You were an undersized walk-on free safety at U-Dub. Three years later you were a starter. It takes a tough, get-back-off-the-mat son-of-a-bitch to do that.

But that ain't what impressed me. I fell in love with the guy who could've cashed in on his looks, his connections, his notoriety. But instead, he said, I've been blessed, and I want to give back. I'm going to be a social worker.

Hotfixes: November 27, — World of Warcraft — Blizzard News

I know that this time it's harder to get back up than it's ever been. But you're Major mother-flippen Lilywhite, and you don't quit. Never tell me the odds. Here's what's going to happen, gentlemen. You're going to pick it up. I want to see ball movement, proper screens, hard cuts to the hole. And if I don't, I'm going to run you like dogs.

I tried to warn you, you want to dance, you got to pay the band. Whatever happened to Magic Mike, that super-hot guy you hired? Let's just say he's done some quality work underneath me. So you have high-rises here in the Shire?

As the ranking zombie on-site, shouldn't I get veto-power over their names? I'm kind of over your whole Star Wars theme. Why don't we name these guys after the '86 Celtics? As in Celtic F. As in Boston Celtics. I don't have the foggiest idea who those guys are. And neither will you in a few days. We'll just be standing here trying to remember why we're calling a rat Bird. But Telly brought a hammer to a bat fight. He turned off the cameras so his killer couldn't be identified?

Think how easy it would be if there was video footage. And the killer could have been wearing a t-shirt that inexplicably had his name and addresses written across his chest.

And the address was, like, right across from the police station. And the killer's just waiting calmly, already handcuffed, just sort of reciting his Miranda rights to himself.

That would be so great. Now what are we going to do? To what do I owe the pleasure? I don't know why I bother. The cure won't be ready for a while, yet. We have a guy who works at our firm, a fixer. He cleans up messes like this. He told me to wipe down the bat and everything else with bleach. But you forgot the blinds. I was working fast.

Time of death, 9: This job isn't so hard. You did discover the anti-zombie cure. Let me tell you what it looks like, Harry. You have a gambling problem. Racked up debts you couldn't pay. Telly was sent to break some bones, or worse, but Telly brought a hammer to a bat fight. Well, that's my cardio for the day.

Liv, I don't want to do this anymore. Pretend I'm okay just being your friend. I want us to be together again. Major, nothing has changed. I know all the risks, and the reasons it can't work. But I don't care. I'm a better man with you in my life. Can we give it another shot? He had a beer fridge, and I found this in the freezer. I didn't know what to make of it. How poetic is it that a barber sends a thug to collect from a guy named Harry?

How expensive are haircuts, anyway? In A Fish Called Wanda, they hid the key in the treasure chest. We've been pulling bullets out of Mr. We heard you were inches away. Nothing heroic about not getting shot. Well, did you soil yourself? I'd hope your first visit here would be more I'm afraid I've got some bad news. You work for me now.

You're gonna need a bigger box for your employee here. We usually just chop off the feet. Nobody looks down there. Thread the needle, baby! That soft grass is nothing, it's nothing. That pounding in your ears is the sound of your leverage evaporating. I am the new CEO here. You love being human. You always were a hedonist.

You're built for it, so You'll do what I say, when I say it, or Not even interested in how I was cured, huh? Why would I be? But it won't always be this nauseating, right? I've got that lucky feeling tonight, Doc. Give me some good news on the safe sex research. Oh, nothing certain yet, though I have proven that when you purchase boxes of every brand of condom available at once, the lady at the drugstore counter looks at you funny.

Aren't Brits supposed to be repressed? What would Judi Dench say? She'd say we don't know a lot about the sexual transmission of zombie-ism. Is that a balloon animal? Uh, I'm available for parties. Are you ever happy you're a zombie? You should know that's a stupid question. Before I became a zombie, I was wasting my life. Human Blaine was a nobody. He was a, he was a joke. Zombie Blaine was the man. He was a murderer. But he was exceptional.

I saw a movie once set in a jungle prison. Prisoners wrote messages on the bottom of turtles' shells. The things they never tell you that you'll be doing at the detective academy. You and that turtle get a room. I'm looking for messages. Tell me you haven't had sex yet. Seems like a question you could've asked outside the door. Zombie virus is a hundredth the size of a typical virus. I tested every brand of condom, every material. Zombie virus went through all of them. If you have sex, Major will become a zombie.

That is not a risk, that's a certainty. Look, someday I'll cure it. But until then, I'm sorry. Didn't know you existed outside the station. I thought you were just put back in your Detective Clive box. Pull his string and he says, 'Miss Moore, please. We should probably go talk to Calvin. It's nice to get a name. In my head you've been, umm, "Girl from the morgue who somehow makes Goth work.

Oh, that is her native American name. Can we turn this crap off? What kind of name is Syd Wicked? You don't dress like that unless you do magic or you hate your parents. Apparently there's some big magician convention happening at this hotel all week. How did I miss that? I'm on the mailing list. People think playing cards is just for fun and games. But a full deck is like a gun with 52 deadly bullets in the chamber. You weren't performing when Syd was killed. You'd already disappeared off-stage for your closer.

Guys, I didn't actually disappear. I hate to break this to you. You remember the cocktail waitress at the end of the show? The one you asked if she knew where I was? I had her costume on underneath mine. But I looked right at you. That's the thing about a magic trick. If it's done well, the answer's right in front of you.

She symbolizes fertility and growth in the natural world. So how many magicians come to this? Oh, upwards of Then you have your semi-professionals, your weekend wizards, and the occasional hypnotist. Looks like we're going to be interviewing a whole lot of magicians. Sometimes I really hate this job. That was pretty good.

It was almost as good as sex. Like the difference between a turkey burger and a hamburger. So you're okay with it? Because if we're gonna do this we have to be totally honest with each other this time around. Of course I want to sex you up, girl. You're very attractive, and I very much have a penis. But just being with you is enough.

When I eat someone's brain, it sets up camp in me. I thought both of those Britney's were hot. Most of us live in constant fear that at any moment, death will wrench us into an eternal darkness.

But I have stared Death right in his face and he blinked first. I'll use that for the intro for my closer. The world has lost a storyteller. Odd, I was under the impression that you knew I couldn't stand the sight of you and yet, here you are. I'm an acquired taste. Like gazpacho or that free U2 album. I want to change my name to something cool like that. What do you think of Rick Bang? I think Rick Bang lives in a one-bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley and gets paid to do it on camera.

Well, Steph told me how to figure out my porn name. Sadly, it's Polly Cripplegate. You need my help? I try not to make a habit of fraternizing with murderers.

That's no way to go through life, is it? Have you thought of a card? Do you see it? Where did it go, you witch? The 10 of clovers. A clover needs a dark space to take root. A place as dark as a closed casket buried six feet under. Or, a man's back pocket. I almost want to start killing magicians so it never ends. Got something to show you, Liv.

And where were you at the time of the murder? I remember because she disappeared during her closer and she never came back for a bow. I waited around for 15 minutes.

It was actually kind of punk rock. We should've gone with the freezer bags. I'm such a slave to aesthetics. Things good with you and Steph? Yeah, they're fine, I guess. Can you have sex without worrying you'll turn her into a member of the undead?

Well, I didn't think I was. It might be time for someone to eat. Look, I know they brought the FBI in on this missing persons case. Read it in the paper. Been a Sunday subscriber since '07, NBD.

Anyway, they got this lady Fed heading up the investigation, Dale Bozzio. This looked like it took a lot of work. How long have you two had a feud with Syd Wicked? Gonna just jump right in there, Lady Cop. Look, you know the score with Syd. Everyone in this business had a beef with the guy. We just liked screwing with him.

So, Syd went into his room alive, no one else came in or out of it, and yet, he was murdered? You know what this means, right? The murder is a magic trick. Sometimes I really love this job. We'd like to ask you some questions about Syd Wicked. I bet it's a stunt. Trust me, he's dead. You know Steph, the woman I'm kind of seeing? Women love when you use qualifiers like that. I like her, it's My question is, look, she just changed her Facebook status to 'In a relationship.

And that freaked you out. Look, I change my status to 'In a relationship' all the time, just to get dudes to leave me alone. I can see that. We were young and doing crappy clubs. Syd's whole gimmick was the goth, death thing. But it was just an onstage persona. He didn't believe in that stuff? When I met him, he was still going by Steve and owned all the Police Academy movies. Over the years, he got more and more into it. When he told me he'd hired a Wiccan to perform the wedding ceremony, I got the hell out of there.

Well, she's just getting a bit intense, you know, okay I mean, she told me we're celebrating Guy Fawkes Day tomorrow. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was a few weeks ago. Let's get it all out in the open, Man-Things. She's not glomming onto you, is she?

She's not cramping your style? She's not being too needy? Ah, yeah, uh, she's rolling hard on a death-obsessed magician. She just needs to eat someone else's brain. Since the two of you have really experienced zombie Liv first-hand, how extreme do her personality swings get? She can be a bit mercurial. But most of the time I enjoy the variety. Of course, I don't have to date her. There was the time her eyes turned red and she killed someone.

I'm thinking that was probably a one-off. Twitter, a vast collection of humanity's impetuous thought vomitings. I'd like to think I'm quite introspective about what I tweet to my followers.

Well, would you look at that? The 13th trump in the Tarot. A fitting reminder that no matter how clever a path we run, the Reaper always takes his bounty. Let's start with you, Harpo Marx. Look at us, on a stakeout. You're like, the stoic by-the-book veteran and I'm the fun guy who Who deals drugs and kills homeless teenagers.

I was gonna says, "Doesn't play by the rules," but sure. You know those five missing gentlemen in the newspapers, the ones the FBI has seen fit to investigate? Well, three of them were big fans of brains. They were my customers. It seems someone out there is killing Seattle's zombies. And you're here to warn me? To make sure that I watch my back? I'm telling you this because I need your help to stop whoever's killing our living-challenged friends.

Not to mention, it's bad for my bottom line. So, what do you say, partner? Should we take justice into our own hands?

You killed the fourth man who walked on the moon? Please, nobody cares about the fourth person to do something. What is that horrible, horrible smell? I'm guessing it's the dead body.

So, I took a gander around the room, and found this in the wastebasket, with this lovely note attached. Kind of boilerplate stuff.

But wait, there's more. Aren't you seeing Steph? Well, I, uh, I ended it. Maybe this was a bad idea, moving in. No, no, no, no, no, no, stay. Maybe I've been drinking? No, it's just the idiocy. You have quite the voice. I was lead tenor in my grade school choir.

Second lead, and then Tommy Fitzpatrick had an unfortunate fall. So clumsy, that kid. Normally we bring witnesses down to the station to take statements. I used to be a real wand hand until I realized it didn't help me with the ladies. So you moved onto video games and forensic pathology? I have a date. Dale left with her gym bag. I'd say we have about an hour. I'd say 90 minutes. You don't get that ass in an hour-a-day. I don't think our relationship is quite at that level yet.

So, what do you say? Team up with me. Stop a zombie killer, maybe save a few lives? Have a few laughs? I don't think so. Okay, let me put it to you in Liv-speak. Some of these missing zombies have families and are 'nice people. Look, we know things the FBI doesn't. So we're ahead of the curve. Help me, Zombie-Wan Kenobi.

You're our only hope. This doesn't change the fact that you still sicken me. This flower had color and could bloom once. And yet death, blind to the beauty of all living things, even one as vibrant as this, has swept over it, wrenching it closer to the ground. So, is that a 'yes,' you want a quesadilla or no?

Hashtag, 'I think we have a new lead. I got the brains. We both got the looks. Let's make lots of money. Just a weird craving. At least it's not hollandaise sauce, right? Yellow represents its urine flavor. Can you register some concern with my news?

You had me move in with her, so you wouldn't get blind-sided by this sort of thing. Stay on task, sweetie.