My boyfriends mother is dying and I don't know what to do! | Cancer Chat
Watching my mother die was a wrenching experience I still don't have the Even if you have also lost a parent you don't know what they're. Make it count with our guide to meeting your girlfriend's parents. actually meeting a real person, rather than just another boyfriend trying win. Meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time is a big step in a relationship. Here's all Give a manly handshake, not a dead fish. Address.
I know this is an awful situation, but you can't expect peopleeven your boyfriendto read your mind I am one of those guys who is not very attune to others emotional needs. But, I recognized that and finally asked my gf to specifically tell me what she wanted me to do to support her as all I wanted to do was help, but I had no friggin idea how. Sounds like your bf overcame his father's death by repression and he could have "learned" that everyone should do that.
I would have a talk with him and be very clear the types of support for which you are looking. Give him a road map. Yes, you're right, you should not have to do that and you have enough issues right now that you should not have to focus on educating a 20 something male about something he might have learned himself already, but if you are willing, I think it would help both of you.
You are likely looking at a dry well with your boyfriend and he's thinking "this hits too close to home. Why can't she understand that and be supportive of me? Your therapist can be your support through this. Your boyfriend isn't a bad person for not being able to give what he doesn't have. You aren't going through this alone, you are going through this with someone who is deeply affected by cancer and has no emotional energy left.
My boyfriends mother is dying and I don't know what to do!
That's a tough situation to be in. But it is different than going through this with someone who doesn't care. He most likely deserves a pass on this one and you need to see the big picture. Circumstances made this happen, not your boyfriend. Some people aren't going to be able to rise to that in the same way that others might be able to, and that's natural. Unfortunately, you can't make your boyfriend be ready for this--you have no control over his reaction, and particularly, the trauma of his own loss that makes it very hard for him to be what you want right now.
You need to seek out as many other sources as you can, so that you have them ready, because that is the thing you have real and honest control over.
Sympathies to your mother and yourself. My depression triggered this response from the only person who was cognisant of it, which is what you describe in your boyfriend: Two years later, my friend and I had a conversation about my depression and his reaction to it and he realised for the first time that because he had to deal with a depressive and suicidal mother for many years he automatically shut down -- as your boyfriend seems to be.
It took my friend a long time to get to the point of acknowledging he had repressed a lot of negative feelings and he is still healing. It took a lot for me to get out of my depression and I don't think I would be able to handle making someone else open up.
Give yourself more credit. You will get through this, even without his support.
My mum is dying, I don't want her to die. | Cancer Chat
I wish you all the best. What does "more support" mean? I disagree with JohnnyGunn though, how can he know what you need without you telling him? At the risk of sounding unsympathetic, I would like to say that, as someone who has lost both parents and other loved ones, you cannot expect to get exactly the amount of support you would like from other friends and family. It's an unfortunate fact of life. Get the support you need from wherever you can find it, whether it's from a support group or ancillary friends or co-workers or yourself.
If your relationship with your boyfriend is otherwise sound, I would recommend you learn to accept what he can give you. You will get through this, take my word for it. And I am sorry for your mother's illness. Her sister is 40 years old, divorced and with a 5 year old child and a new boyfriend. We are in a huge fight right now because of her sister and mother making rude comments and getting involved with our relationship.
What can I do or say to get my girlfriend to listen to how I feel about the situation and how I feel that her family treats her, without her getting mad and walking out like she has been doing? I love her and I used to love her family until I saw what they were doing to her and how they were adding to her depression. This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.MEETING MY GIRLFRIEND'S MOM FOR THE FIRST TIME!!
Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual s. Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses. No correspondence takes place. No ongoing relationship of any sort including but not limited to any form of professional relationship is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
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Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician. If his mother and ex-girlfriend got along incredibly well, chances are they will still talk.
- My mum is dying, I don't want her to die.
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But when she invites the ex-girlfriend over when you are visiting, then you can safely assume she's out for blood. Don't let her win; keep your cool and act like it doesn't bother you at all. Chat in a friendly manner and ask the ex questions like you're interested. Who knows, you may end up liking her and then his mother will be the one feeling uncomfortable.
How to Impress Your Girlfriend's Mother (with Pictures) - wikiHow
They despise the fact that you stay home in bed while they all attend mass. If one of his parents approaches you and asks you to repent or accept Jesus Christ into your heart, they probably think you need to be saved or reintroduced to religion. You could look at this as they are looking out for you. Or it's possible they think you are severely misguided or headed down the wrong path.
If it's the latter, they probably don't think very highly of you. Many times when his parents aren't comfortable with you, they won't speak directly to you. They will ask your boyfriend questions about you rather than ask you directly.
They will laugh and joke with your boyfriend, but usually leave you out of it. This might be a sign they want nothing to do with you. Actions like this can make things very awkward.
My boyfriends mother is dying and I don't know what to do!
To break the awkwardness, ask them questions directly and speak directly to them to force them to give you attention. Joke with them casually to make them feel at ease. It's obvious at this point that talking about getting married makes them very uncomfortable. This might be a good time to ask your boyfriend what you could do differently to make a positive impact on them.