how to tell GF im UNSATISFIED - posavski-obzor.info Forums
5 Reasons She's Attracted to Your Best Friend So you're probably wondering why your girlfriend is always flirting with him. Okay, maybe not. To you, she's absolutely perfect. She's got a gorgeous face, perfect body, brilliant mind -- in short, she's the girl of your dreams. To her, however, you're a "really. Your friend's girlfriend is his girlfriend for a reason. Maybe they like each other, maybe they love each other or maybe they're just happy together. You flirting with .
It easily brings up fears, doubts, insecurities, problems, and challenges that whilst you might have dealt with in some small way previously, you might not have faced on this kind of level. How do you deal with them texting her, calling her, wanting to spend time with her? And how do you deal with the inevitable jealousy and insecurities that naturally appear in your life? There are two different strategies you can take here: The Outer and The Inner. The Outer The Outer strategy is simple: Control her relationships with the guys, control her contact with these friends, and control her communication with these dudes.
You check her text messages. You listen in when she makes phone calls. You can complain about how insecure it makes you feel because you know they want to sleep with her and how she needs to stop it. You do it all and you do it often.
Do you think a high-quality woman with plenty of options is going to put up with someone controlling her like this?
The problem with The Outer strategy is that it only really works on insecure women with no options. Is that the kind of woman you want? When you imagine your perfect future, do you wake up every day next to a needy and dependent woman who allows everyone else in her life control her actions? The plumber who turns up to fix the blocked pipe is going to be a guy. Spending your life trying to control the people she spends time with The Outer is a flawed and painful strategy and is never going to allow you to create an incredible relationship with a high-quality woman.
The best case scenario is that you have to spend the rest of your life being paranoid and constantly monitoring how your partner is living her life. The worst case scenario is you end up with a dependent, weak, needy woman who eventually leaves you for some other jerk. So, that brings us to strategy 2: Do you really want to be some guy's "just in case?
When I was in college, there was this guy who'd always ask me out to lunch, we'd have these "deep" and "spiritually sympatico" conversations, he'd always make a point to say "hi" to me and come over and talk to me. I was sure that he liked me a ton, but just for some reason wasn't doing anything about it. I contrived all these ways to show my interest, tried to up the ante of our contact, nothing worked.
I found after that this whole time he was hooking up with this other girl, telling her he loved her, writing her love songs, etc.
Who knows why he was always initiating hanging out with me? Our relationship was platonic. He wasn't shy or reserved with this other girl. I had been deluding myself. I assume you have a list of reasons for why, even though he likes you, he isn't doing anything about it. Well, he did something about it with that other girl. She is who he wants as a girlfriend. Whatever you two are doing right now is all he wants with you.
In all the time that you've known each other, even when he was single, he never gave you any indication that he wanted more.
You only know that if he says that directly. Which he won't, because 1 the OP hasn't given us any sign of him being unsatisfied with his girlfriend, and 2 he's a Good Guy with seemingly Good Standards. There's no way he's just going to dump his girl of how long now? OP, you are expecting a fantasy, as much as it may suck to hear. Not because "These things don't happen in real life" they canbut because the guy you have a crush on doesn't sound like the kind to do this.
It may feel nice to just get these feelings off your chest, but they have a large chance of making things awkward between you, if not destroy it entirely.
Pretend to be a little drunker than you really are, and blurt out an open-ended statement: This is a bad idea. You are letting your emotions rule you. You need to dial them back and use your head. Get some distance from it all and figure out what is best, not what would give you an immediate rush of pleasure.
If the answer is yes, dial it back a notch and just be friends. Do not engage in flirting even if he started it. Does this guy have any reason to believe you aren't single? If he wanted to be with you, he would be. But he's with someone else. Go find another guy who wants to be with you. I actually could tell something was up before she even said something, though I wrote it off at the time.
I don't necessarily believe in the Girls' Code or whatever, but I do believe that nice people don't do that to each other. She should've known better.
If he actually liked you, in a "more than friends let's date" sort of way, he'd break up with his girlfriend and ask you out. He's either a geuninely friendly guy who just happens to text a lot with friends or a flirty non-so-geunine guy who likes the attention.
He's not a guy who wants a relationship with you. For instance, what assurance have you that he won't do this to you when the next fine young thing walks in the room? If he can do this to his currently girlfriend, he can do this to you. Ascertain, preferably without asking him, if he's still with what's-'er-face.
If he isn't, hell, go for broke.
25 Silent Signs That Your Girlfriend is Not Happy with You
But if he is, dial it back. This just isn't something you want to deal with, as much as it may seem like a good idea at the time. Tell him you think he's great and you'd like to date him.
Make it clear you're not interested in cheating with him. He's not married, he doesn't have a child, they don't live together There's a reason why people date instead of just getting married immediately after they see someone cute. It's not intended to be a permanent life-long monogamous commitment. Pretty thing to say, isn't it? Except when you're the one in a relationship, and others are swooning over your SO, hoping you don't last together so they can immediately whirl that person away and put their own "MINE" sticker on 'em.
Then it's not so pretty, and all is not fair. It's not pretty when someone leaves you for greener pastures, and it's not pretty when you steal away your dream guy, and then end up wondering what will happen when a prettier face does the same thing you tried. Yes, it very much IS the poster's responsibility to respect boundaries and not cater to her whims at the expense of other people's comforts, or happiness.
There are people out there who may not take their relationships seriously, but many more who do. Unless of course that's where they are heading. And the OP has no idea what the girlfriend is like, how long they've known each other, if they grew up together, if they have history, if this is their "meant to be," etc. Yes, sure, he's a great guy with lots of awesome qualities.
There are also literally hundreds of other guys out there who are just as great, who have just as many awesome qualities, and who DON'T already have girlfriends.
3 Ways to React to a Friend Who Flirts with Your Spouse - wikiHow
Why on earth would you want to waste your time pining away for a guy who's not available, when there are so many other guys out there that you could date without having to first break up their current relationship?
I know some other commenters have said it's not like they're married, it's not like you owe his girlfriend anything, all's fair in love and war. But stop for a second and think about it. Sure, you don't owe the current girlfriend anything. But try imagining how it would feel if this awesome, "good materials" guy was already your boyfriend, and a female friend of his made it clear she was waiting for him to dump your ass so she could have a crack at him.
Will you be telling yourself that all's fair then? Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you were in a relationship with him, how would you want others to respond? Or, if that does not matter, at least be honest with yourself about your intentions: You want to date someone who is currently in a relationship. It would work out great if he'd dump her to be with you. But don't kid yourself into thinking you are doing something honorable or innocent. I'm not judging, but this sounds really wrong, like a cheap justification.
Let's say the guy was married. Then the women who wants to go after him can easily say, "So what? It's not like they have kids or a family! She's just his baby mama. She forced him into it! Obviously this guy is, at the least, confused. And it's a waste of time to date a guy who doesn't know if he wants to take a relationship with you. You'll have to spend a lot of energy convincing someone who might not feel responsible or as invested in the relationship or even making it into a relationship as you might be.
He's going to miss his ex-girlfriend and you're going to have to deal with that too.
You can justify anything you want. Would you want this happening to you? There's wisdom in treating people how you'd like to be treated. In the end, if he cheats, it would be his fault. But you'll have to prove that you're worth it. He can just as easily go back to a willing ex and all you would ever be is a mistake. If someone leaves for greener pastures, that is totally OK, because not everyone needs to stay in the same relationship forever.
People are not possessions and there is no "mine" sticker. There is no way to guarantee that someone will stay forever. I assume you're implying that I or those who share my opinion do not take our relationships seriously. I think that is a ridiculous assumption.
He was so nice and fun and cute, and we went together for three years. Then, one day, I learned that one of his super good female friends had confessed to having a huge crush on him. I was pretty upset. But nothing prepared me for the hurt and anger I felt when I found out that he had tested the bounds of our relationship with her. Ultimately, he broke up with me and dated her on and off for two years which is, I guess, kind of what you want to hear. But the whole thing was a total and complete mess for something like six months for ALL THREE OF US until I finally cut off all contact with the entire group of friends I had belonged to before my cute fun boyfriend cheated on me because his super good female friend confessed a crush.
Think about what you're doing here. Think about the person you are and the person you want to be. Think about the other two people that you will be impacting with your choice to spill the beans about this crush. Yea, they aren't married, but I'm sure their relationship is important to the both of them and while they are still together, you should respect that.
It's what most people would consider the right thing to do. And hey, maybe they'll break up of their own accord, but let it be for a reason that has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe then, you can see if this guy is interested in you, but please, not until then. It's not cheating to break up with someone and date someone else. I very specifically stated that she should make it clear that she is not interested in cheating with him. Every relationship carries risk. One of those risks is that your loved one will leave you.
That risk is not necessarily greater in this kind of relationship. Could this be the case? If so, then maybe he's keen on you, but hasn't told you he's availble in case you don't like HIM.
I'm sort of believing you here when you say he is honorable. Your premise about what a great guy he is only tracks if he has been available this whole time he's been in touch with you. Otherwise, he's kinda a tool. Sadly, you've posted anon so there is no way to find out which guess is correct! For your sake, I hope he turns out to be the great guy you think he is: Nothing about that makes you uncomfortable or uneasy?
It goes without saying that if you get back to school and find out he was with the gf while txting and emailing you at gf-like-levels that he's a stinker and not worth your time romantically or otherwise, yes? BAH she's in college. Get drunk and snuggle with him.
If he goes for it, good for you. If not, violins, but at least you'll know where you stand and can move on to someone else. Let that be your statement. Do not make some kind of declaration of love while he's in a relationship. There are all sorts of reasons why, but they mostly boil down to ruining your relationship with your friend and generally creating misery. At the very, very least you should ask him if he's happy in his relationship first.
If he explicitly says he's looking to leave his relationship and is living in misery, I think that's sort of different, though you should still wait until they're broken up to get together.
Otherwise, what you are doing is very selfish. Many things make me uneasy, including cotton balls and clowns, but I don't declare them inherently immoral or dishonorable. If my partner were propositioned when we were together but not married which he was I would probably be a bit annoyed with the lady involved, but not overly so. In fact, I am still cheerful acquaintances with someone who was in this position in regard to my partner.
He's not dating you. If he's so awesome, he probably has some awesome reasons for that, and you shouldn't be assuming he's just being temporarily dumb until you proposition him. Don't invite him to cheat or try to break up his relationship. Don't be that jerk. And please don't post another question in a few months wondering why your friend's girlfriend seems to hate you for some bizarre reason. You did not assume correctly, no.
The OP is the one not taking their relationship seriously. Now whether she should depends on a lot of factors she either doesn't know yet, or did not mention. Step one would be to find out how serious they feel about each other, and to do so without mentioning that she's pining to replace his current girl.
Moreover, when you are in a monogamous relationship, you two do belong to each other. Not talking "property" here, with a serious face behind my monitor - I'm talking being taken, spoken for, whatever have you. Essentially, it is a MINE sticker.
If he's in a monogamous relationship, that tends to mean that he's made his choice and is no longer in the dating pool. Are there exceptions to the rule? Guys you'd want to be dating after praising their good qualities, moral character, etc.? We're all projecting our personal ethics here, and they're certainly not universal. But the majority of posters here seem to agree that it would be a dick move to do this to someone who is already attached to another.
As an aside, I personally find it a pretty big turn-off when a guy tells me he's willing to wait for me when I'm in a relationship already - it's like putting the rest of his life on hold with this assumption that what I have isn't meaningful enough. Therefore you need to start dating someone. However, you want to send a signal that, if he had been available, you would snatch him up. Perhaps you should ask him if he knows anyone nice, someone who you might like to date.
There is a chance your problem will be solved, one way or the other. Perhaps you will just embarass yourself. By the way, are you still with that girl you were seeing? He might like you, he might be on the rocks or not very serious with the girlfriend or in an open relationship or secretly pining for you or just interested in being better friends with you.
No one here has any idea, and it sounds like maybe you don't know either. Please don't do this if they're only going to be someone to keep you distracted until Awesome Guy becomes available.
If someone's a space-filler and you'd drop them in a heartbeat if the object of your limerance became available, have the integrity to make them aware that your involvement with them is only "for now". Not to derail, but I never understood this quote as a justification for anything. Are people saying "well, sucks for those who get hurt, so do as you will do" in either instance?
Why those two areas particular, and not other areas of life? Sorry, I guess it's just a peeve of mine. Seems to me nothing's fair, ever, but it's usually a good idea to try and leave our human world a little better than you found it.
Or in the very least, not leave a path of tears and misery in the process. Either way, he's invited you out when you get back. Don't push things now, go out with him to celebrate when you get home, and play it by ear. Don't be 'the other woman' -- you deserve better than that. I find it really difficult to understand why people think other people's partners are fair game. I was with someone. We talked sometimes when we saw each other out; he seemed to like me at least he always seemed to make a specific effort to escape his gaggle of admirers to spend some time chatting with mebut we just talked neutrally - no flirting.
He was separated at first, then at various times he had girlfriends as well. I eventually split with my husband We've been together nearly 20 years now. Could we have been together sooner if he had been more forthcoming, and I had been more approachable romantically?
Sure, but we might then each have our little niggling doubts about the other regarding our own relationship over the long haul He wouldn't have been quite the man I thought he was, I wouldn't have been at all the person I thought I was. Now, "unseemly haste" after the split is perhaps another question - but that's just how it worked out; we sort of went on a first date that never ended. So, he really did like me I don't think, now, that it would have kept us apart, but it would have made everything that happened after that a bit strange and possibly tainted; I would have had to question myself again and again in the wee hours when those sorts of questions come home to roost.
I would have had to wonder, if had my Mr. Awesome been out of the picture, would I have finally left my first husband anyway? Or would I have given it yet one more shot? And would that have changed anything? As it is, we both know I would always have left, because I did - without having anyone's name in my hat.
As it is, we each know that our partner is not a cheater, or even an "inciter. One person's experience is emphatically not a template for anything at all, obviously, but you need to carefully consider the implications of what you thinking - for yourself and your own standards and principles. Do you want to be the person to tempt him into betraying those very qualities you are so attracted to?