Tavistock Relationships - Seeking Relationship help in the new year
Relationships | The Real Test of Patience, Self Growth & Love . thinking that admitting you're wrong is the same as admitting defeat, then you. A willingness to try harder to make the relationship work. Get him to admit that he was cheating so I'd have the proof I needed to break up. 15 Brutal Truths About Life No One Wants to Admit But Will Benefit You A Lot Build a relationship with others. When it looks like we have it all, we experience sudden job loss, health problems, emotional pain, . When the test of life comes, they immediately hide pretending not to see any of your pains.
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Whilst we recognise these discomforts, it is not always so easy to understand where the pressures and turbulence we feel originate. As couple therapists, we do know about the often hidden but powerful external and internal attacks on our most intimate relationships. What is less easy to know about is what goes on below the surface of our minds, hidden in the unconscious.
This powerful but unseen anti-relational current often swirl below the seemingly benign surface with only the tip-of-the-iceberg recurring circular arguments signaling the threat of a wreck. When our clients tell us about their despair over having the same arguments over and over again, coming out of nothing and going nowhere, we hear not only what they say but also what they do not admit, that is, that at times the pressures on them intensifies.
The traditional scapegoats we tend to blame for our relational difficulties also often fall away over the festive period. When on holiday, it is no longer possible to go on blaming exhaustion and overwhelm on the demands of the working life. In fact, sometimes the opposite can be true and people can feel cut adrift without the predictable routines of the working week and in this way work can hold us together, like an external frame, a corset rather than a spine.
When we spend more time with our family, ordinarily unseen differences can become exposed and this can feel difficult.
Imagination, based on our fantasy of who our partner is, can crumble by facing up to their reality when we spend real time with them and their family. There are no easy answers here as anything can be a source of unease resulting in arguments: Most people think of couple therapy as curative rather than preemptive medicine and whilst both can be true, it is important to regard couple therapy as a sign of health and commitment to the relationship.
Whilst our clients are often anxious about and ambivalent about seeking help, we tend to regard it is a sign of strength.
Couple therapy at its best is about getting to know more in depth about your partner and about yourself in the process as you explore the sort of relationship you create and try and understand why it is not quite how you would both like it to be.
To be able to admit that none of us can do it all by ourselves and that we are in need of help is far from being childish or a sign of weakness — it is one of the fundamental achievements of maturity. This capacity to seek help is in itself already an important marker of being able to be in a couple relationship where we can be vulnerable and dependent on someone else and indeed - as hard as it is may feel - on each other as well as offer support and bear our inevitable differences.
Therefore being in couple therapy is as much about the process as it is about the content of the sessions. I have never arrived at work late. I have never been annoyed with a co-worker.
I have never been bored. I have never been late in anything. I have never been moved to anyone. I have never been tired at work. I have never disappointed anyone.
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I have never failed to complete a work assignment on time. I have never failed to reach a personal goal that I set for myself. I have never felt alone.
I have never felt angry at a supervisor or manager. I have never felt sad. I have never hurt anyone's a feelings. I have never lost a night's sleep worrying about something.
I have never made a mistake at work. I have never made a statement that was not completely true. I have never met someone I didn't like. I have never used bad language to anyone. I have planned ahead in everything I've done. I never regret my decisions after I make them. I never tell white lies. I never worry if I make a mistake. I'm happy to see people whatever the circumstances.