Commitment Issues? How To Overcome The Fear Of Intimacy
This is why relationship expert and author Alexis Nicole White says people who fear intimacy have a tendency to sabotage their seemingly. Your heart and soul have a deep desire for intimacy, but if you fear it, you fear of losing another person you love, or of losing yourself in a close relationship?. Fear of intimacy is generally a social phobia and anxiety disorder resulting in difficulty forming close relationships with another person. The term can also refer to.
The experience of real love often threatens our self-defenses and raises our anxiety as we become vulnerable and open ourselves up to another person.
This leads to a fear of intimacy. Falling in love not only brings excitement and fulfillment; it also creates anxiety and fears of rejection and potential loss. For this reason many people shy away from loving relationships. Fear of intimacy begins to develop early in life.
We learn not to rely on others as a coping mechanism.
After being hurt in our earliest relationships, we fear being hurt again. We are reluctant to take another chance on being loved. Therefore, when someone is loving and reacts positively toward us, we experience a conflict within ourselves.
Our capacity to accept love and enjoy loving relationships can also be negatively affected by existential issues. This can lead us to feel more pain about the thought of death.
When we push our partner away emotionally or retreat from their affection, we are acting on this fear of intimacy.
Fear of intimacy
These distancing behaviors may reduce our anxiety about being too close to someone, but they come at a great cost. Acting on our fears preserves our negative self-image and keeps us from experiencing the great pleasure and joy that love can bring.
However, we can overcome fear of intimacy. We can recognize the behaviors that are driven by our fear of intimacy and challenge these defensive reactions that preclude love. We can remain vulnerable in our love relationship by resisting retreating into a fantasy of love or engaging in distancing and withholding behaviors. The takeaway point here is just that if you can pinpoint the origins of your fear of closeness, you can start to consciously reply to these doubts and rationally develop a new view of intimacy.
In time, the new view will be what dictates your emotional responses. Relax As is obvious from the above list of fear of intimacy symptoms, having this type of issue is a stressful experience. The more you feel agitated, the more likely you are to avoid intimacy, and the more you avoid intimacy the more agitated and unhappy you become!
Try to set aside at least an hour and a day where you use your time exclusively for calming activities. Meditationmindfulnessand yoga exercises are all obvious examples, but anything that makes you feel relaxed count. That means reading a novel, doing something creative or snuggling up to watch television can all be good options as well. As well as relaxing you, these hobbies are forms of self-care that boost self-esteem.
They send your subconscious mind the signal that you are a valuable, worthwhile person. Determine What You Want Out Of Life Causes of fear of intimacy can sometimes be linked to general confusion about what you want in life.
So, take some time to imagine your ideal life circumstances. What will you be doing for a living, and how will you be spending your time?
Commitment Issues? How To Overcome The Fear Of Intimacy
Where will you be living? And, crucially, who will you be living with? Consider the traits you want in a partner and the things you are not willing to accept. Think about whether you want children, the types of hobbies you want to share, and why this type of relationship will improve your life.
Understanding Fear of Intimacy
As well as helping you make sense of your own desires, this type of reflective activity encourages you to see relationships in a positive light. Build Self Confidence And Let Go Of Insecurities As suggested above, having an intimacy avoidance disorder can often have a lot to do with your self-esteem. For example, make sure you get plenty of exercise, maintain a diet that is both healthy and enjoyable, and follow your passions so that you get genuine pleasure from every day.
Of course, you may also have deeper rooted insecurities that are harder to budge. In these cases, life coaching or counseling can be very useful. Even just a few sessions might be enough to help you recalibrate your self-image and make a proactive plan for future growth of self-esteem. Specifically, think about your more recent history. All these things can emphasize that intimacy only brings pain. To challenge this idea, write down a list of times where intimacy with friends, family or partners brought you something positive, no matter how small.
Use this as a reminder to have a balanced perspective of intimacy. Yes, it can be daunting, but it can also be comforting and enriching. Practice Being Vulnerable Finally, though it may sound strange at first, treatment for fear of intimacy often requires deliberately making yourself vulnerable.
Challenge yourself to chat to a new person at work, in a class or just in passing, or share a little-known fact about yourself with a friend, and notice their positive response. Crucially, practicing being vulnerable involves consciously being more you.
Show the world your real self, not a mask, and have faith that the right people will respond to it in a loving, open way.