Why Being Understood Is Better Than Being Loved. By Kovie Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood. – George Orwell . In A Long- Distance Relationship, Love Like You're Never Apart. Thought. "If your relationship communication is characterized by be yourself and be heard, it may bet hat you're worried about not being understood. Being understood is often confused with being loved; the two aren't the The reason many relationships fail is that, with time, we either feel.Relationships in Story, Part 3 Being Understood CriticalHit
I mean in one sense perhaps our language is so limited that we do not have the right vocabulary to express the complexities of love — the sacrifice, the respect, the desire, the passion, the frustration. Love is all these things and more. And we make commitments and promises and vows, and we love; the best of us love until it hurts.
But still I say, this might not be as hard as we all make it out to be. It seems quite common practice to love people you do not understand. None of it seems rebellious or unique.
***"I Just Want to be Understood."
But I do often find that we are eager to love and to be loved, but we are less anxious to understand the people we claim to love. We are quick to understand that we are in love but slow to understand understanding a person.
And how is that? And what does it even mean to really understand someone? I think one of the reasons why we can love quickly but understand so slowly is that understanding requires silence and reflection and paying attention in particular ways to everything that makes up a person — everything.
And who among us, has that kind of time for everyone that we say we love?
Busy with things and people and life, and ironically, busy with love. But I think that we would perhaps love better if we took time to understand better. Understanding means you see the person and all that they are with an empathy that is not so ordinary.
***"I Just Want to be Understood."
This empathy is deliberate but carefree, impassioned, and earnest. I have never seen myself as someone to be loved by everyone.
Respected perhaps, but not loved in the most ordinary sense. But I have always paid attention to how people love, and what people say they love, and who they love, and what they say about love. I have always paid attention to people. Sure, I love it when someone hears me and sees me and understands me - but now it's the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.
Why Being Understood Is Better Than Being Loved | Thought Catalog
Now I can listen to others from my heart and truly see and understand them because I don't need anything from them. I don't need anything from them because the little girl in me feels me with her all the time - listening to my feelings, taking loving action in my own behalf, learning about what my inner child needs from me as a loving adult - a loving inner parent. Because the child in me - my feeling self - feels seen and heard and valued and understood by me, I can offer my caring and understanding to others from a full heart.
This is the inner work that we all need to do if we ever want to experience the wonderful feeling that comes from being truly seen and valued. The thing that was in the way for me is that I always believed being seen and understood by others is what was truly important and fulfilling. Before practicing Inner Bonding, I had never experienced the profound joy of seeing, hearing and understanding myself.
I could not even conceive of it feeling better than being understood by someone else. After all, wasn't my value, as the wizard said to the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, not in how much I loved, but in how much I was loved by others?
The typical false belief of a narcissist! Now, I still love to be understood by others, but I don't NEED to be understood by them to feel worthy and full within.
Now, when someone important to me doesn't listen or see or care or understand, I can fully and compassionately understand and care about the loneliness and heartache my inner child might feel, without taking their behavior personally.
Seeing, caring about and understanding myself is profoundly powerful and fulfilling.