Here is how it has affected my relationships with our family, here's how it's affected my adult relationships. I'm telling you this because I want. Are you or someone you care about in an abusive relationship? Learn about domestic abuse, including the more subtle signs. It is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a I don't say this to brag but want people to understand that victims are not.
Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset. Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment — not three weeks.
You will also hear of violence in their life. You will see and witness this temper — throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you — but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability — and that it might come your way.
Later, you fear challenging or confronting them — fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly — as though you deserved it.
Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends — sometimes even their family.
You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating.
You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. Physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of a family. The police have the power and authority to protect you from a physical attack. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and domestic violence.
Furthermore, people whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed. It is still domestic abuse if… The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television, or heard other people talk about.
What is Gaslighting? | The National Domestic Violence Hotline
The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions.
It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for ending the assault! Physical violence has not ocurred. Many people are emotionally and verbally assaulted.
What is Gaslighting?
This can be just as frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand. Breaking the Silence Handbook Emotional abuse: Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlooked—even by the person experiencing it.
Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior are also forms of emotional abuse. The scars of emotional abuse are very real and they run deep. You will call child protective services on his ass, as often as need be.
If he blows up at you, remind him of the abuse you suffered, and make him aware that him dismissing it as "spanking" is a major red flag for the safety of his unborn child. If he is going to post and defend that shit after what I went through I would leave this comment for everyone to see rewritten as appropriate if you mother did the abuse too; I couldn't tell from your description whether both your mom and dad did it or your mom was just the silent partner: Joe or whatever his name isit hurts me to see you post this.
This didn't teach me "respect for others," it taught me to fear and distrust the people I was supposed to love. For some reason Dad rarely hit you so I guess your experience was different, but it hurts to see you and Mom joking about this.
I would post that and assume that he is going to deny things happened and call me a liar and a sick person or whatever, and be prepared for that. But it would be up there for other people to see and judge. On the other hand, if you don't want other people to know about the abuse that occurred in your family, don't do that.
In any case, I'm sorry your family hurt you like that and I hope you are okay. Your brother should be more sensitive, but he's not. You may want to have a private conversation with him about it so that he realizes the gravity of how terribly you were abused and that encouraging anyone, especially someone who should have protected you, to minimize it is harmful to you.
Your mother, on the other hand, is trying to sanitize the abuse and neglect she is directly responsible for. She was not a good mother to you and no amount of liking stupid shit on Facebook will change that.
You may want to consider blocking her on FB so you don't see her triggering nonsense. It's fine to cut her and your father off. Keep an eye on that kid. Having an adult who sees bad things happening and has the power to stop it is the best thing a child can have.Relationship Abuse- My Story
You are not overreacting. If you want to respond, do it. They're the ones who continue to act badly, not you. I'm sorry that this has happened. Surviving childhood abuse is hard enough.
Having to endure the people who let it all happen pretend it didn't happen is adding insult to profound injury. It's gaslighting and it's not right. And on that note, have you talked with your sister? Maybe talking things over with her first might help. You could commiserate and vent and maybe also figure out the best way to address it.
OP, when your very hormonal SIL hears that you are threatening to call Child Protective Services before her precious child is even born your brother and sister-in-law and her family, and yours will rightfully block you from all interaction with your niece or nephew and you will never ever be welcome in their lives ever again. Some other things that are likely: I understand you're super fucking pissed and concerned.
Play it low key. Play the long game. Eschew the dramatics, because down that road only lies failure, heartache, and self-destruction. Therapist so you can get it all out somewhere safe.
Are You Dating a “Loser”?
Call your mom and brother on the bullshit. What is it going to hurt now? Just say something similar to what you have said here, and that you are not going to debate them, but that you also refuse to continue to propagate the myth that what happened to you as a child wasn't abuse, and that you hope no child will suffer what you suffered under the guise of legitimate punishment. Abusers deserve to be called out in a public forum. And after that, you don't need to engage in any debate, or engage with them at all.
Block them if you need to, distance yourself. But I strongly believe it is always right to speak out against abuse, especially publicly.
I would not hide their posts, but rather I would block them.
Don't make a scene about it, just get on with your life. But I think it makes sense to let him know that he needs to be very careful to not perpetuate the cycle of abuse, and to warn him that she won't stay quiet if he does ever hit his kids. Tone matters a lot, here. They come from an abusive family, and if he is already talking about spanking his kids before they are even born, he needs to take a hard look at himself before it's too late for his kids.
If she can get through to him NOW, maybe she can prevent future abuse from happening. Do whatever you want. You're a grown up, so what if you tell a child abuse supporter how shitty they are and it pisses them off?
I mean, who cares? Make sure you're prepared to give yourself a safe space from people like this. You are safe now. They never have the right to talk to you like that again, or justify the abuse you endured right in front of you like that. Here is some research on outcomes for children of parents who use violent discipline and verbal abuse in their parenting style" Let the research talk for you and then DO NOT debate.
This is not a debate you know it's abuse and you aren't interested in their feedback, you're just letting them know that you will not be interacting with people who enable and celebrate child abuse.
While there is something to be said for acknowledging that it's unlikely to make any dent or could make them more determined to their own ways, imagine if they go through life and no one has the guts to tell them they are celebrating child abuse and it's horrible?
It could be worth saying even if it doesn't change anything. And for the sake of others who see you say something It would also probably protect your emotional self to just say nothing in THIS particular situation and instead channel your frustration into combating child abuse culture with other people working on methods to address abusive parenting at the community and policy level.
Domestic Violence and Abuse - posavski-obzor.info
In some cases, a direct, thoughtful comment can have some influence on other people reading it. Maybe Hitting children teaches through fear. I hope there's a better way. Anger and confrontation don't seem to be very effective.
You could talk to your brother, and tell him how affected you still are by the violence you experienced, and tell him that seeing that recommendation brought back painful memories, and that it still influences how you think of your parents.
Listen to him - when I've had good dialog with people whose ideas are pretty different than mine, it's because I really listened. If you don't want to respond, that's okay, too. There are lots of wrongs in the world, you can't fix them all. I hope you can find some peace; that kind of childhood pain is a hard burden.
I don't have a past like your past but I hope you see that all of us here are allies for ending corporal punishment and child abuse. If this came up on my Facebook newsfeed I would go straight to the evidence that proves that your views are right in every imaginable way.
I agree with others that a private conversation about this with your brother might be the best way to go and could be the most likely to lead to a positive discussion.