Choosing relationship priorities
When you're in a relationship, wanting to be your partner's priority isn't a bad thing at all. After all, if someone is important, you're going to do. Choose relationship priorities to enable and encourage your personal vision Here are criteria that can be used to assess and prioritize healthy relationships. Puppies are cute but they don't make a healthy relationship When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always.
The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes. Some battles are simply not worth fighting. She loves to look amazing and I love for her to look amazing too obviously. But every once in a while, she looks bad. She tried to do something new with her hair or decided to wear a pair of boots that some flamboyant fashion designer from Milan thought were avant-garde.
When I tell her this, she usually gets pissed off. And as she marches back into the closet to redo everything and make us 30 minutes late, she spouts a bunch of four-letter words and sometimes even slings a few of them at me. Because honesty in my relationship is more important to me than feeling good all of the time. The last person I should ever have to censor myself with is the woman I love. Fortunately, I date a woman who agrees.
Sure, my ego gets bruised and I bitch and complain and try to argue, but a few hours later I come sulking back and admit that she was right and holy crap she makes me a better person even though I hated hearing it at the time.
When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then nobody ends up feeling good.
And our relationships fall apart without us even knowing it. The feel good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right. The sunsets and puppies, they happen when you get the more important stuff right: If I feel smothered and need more time alone, I need to be capable of saying that without blaming her and she needs to be capable of hearing it without blaming me, despite the unpleasant feelings it may cause.
With out them, we get lost and lose track of one another. Being Willing to End It Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. But somehow we look at this story as romantic. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together. We have no reason to work on ourselves and grow because our partner has to be there no matter what. It invites stagnation and stagnation equals misery.
Feeling Attraction for People Outside the Relationship Our cultural scripts for romance includes this sort of mental tyranny, where any mildly emotional or sexual thought not involving your partner amounts to high treason. Once we get past the honeymoon phase of starry eyes and oxytocin, the novelty of our partner wears off a bit.
And unfortunately, human sexuality is partially wired around novelty.
Most of us, most of the time, choose to not act on those thoughts. And like waves, they pass through us and leave us with our partner very much the same way how they found us.
This triggers a lot of guilt in some people and a lot of irrational jealousy in others. And if someone flirts with us and we enjoy it, or if we catch ourselves having an occasional errant sexy-time fantasy, there must be something wrong with us or our relationship. When you suppress these feelings, you give them power over you, you let them dictate your behavior for you suppression rather than dictating your behavior for yourself feeling them and yet choosing not to do anything.
People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to eventually succumb to them and give in and suddenly find themselves screwing the secretary in the broom closet and having no idea how they got there and come to deeply regret it about twenty-two seconds afterward. People who suppress these urges are the ones who are likely to wake up one day disgruntled and frustrated with no conscious understanding of why, wondering where all of the days went and remember how in love we used to be?
Looking at attractive people is enjoyable. Speaking to attractive people is enjoyable. Thinking about attractive people is enjoyable. And when you dampen these impulses towards other people, you dampen them towards your partner as well.
Choosing relationship priorities that support your life vision
When I meet a beautiful woman now, I enjoy it, as any man would. I see in the attractive women everything my girlfriend has and most women lack.
And while I appreciate the attention or even flirtation, the experience only strengthens my commitment. But real intimacy is not. When we commit to a person, we are not committing our thoughts, feelings or perceptions. What we control are our actions.
6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic
And what we commit to that special person are our actions. Let everything else come and go, as it inevitably will. Spending Time Apart You see it all the time: We all have that friend who mysteriously ceased to exist as soon as they got into their relationship.
When we fall in love we develop irrational beliefs and desires. The problem only arises when this actually happens.
Communities and social organizations Strangers With our world being more connected than ever, it is easy to see from this list how time for important relationships can get squeezed or lost. Maintaining balance in relationships Besides the challenge of time for each relationship, we must also contend with different priorities from those we are related to.
Each person will have different views on how much time to spend together, and on which activities. In many cases, needs may not yet be understood, making time planning difficult. Choosing relationship priorities provides the guideposts for maintaining balance in relations.
The choices for daily activities can be evaluated against these priorities to determine if they are in service of guiding life decisions. Harmful and unsupportive relationships are more easily identified and ended.
6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic | Mark Manson
Highest priority relationships can be given the time they need by taking time from those of lower importance. Opportunities to build multiple relationships simultaneously become easier to accomplish. Compromise takes less effort when the significance of the relationship is clear. Applying this decision Many of our relationships are the result of circumstances.