11 Ways To Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier, Starting Today | HuffPost
WebMD consulted the marriage and relationship experts to learn the best advice for a good "Having a good marriage takes education," Markham says. Having the perfect marriage is a mix of compromise and honesty, not If you begin the relationship by putting on the front of a perfect hybrid version of you and. 8 New Proven Tricks That Make Your Marriage Stronger. Learn how these surprising tactics can really improve your relationship and embraces don't offer the same feel-good benefits longer stretches of physical intimacy do.
And fellows, it works the other way as well. In his film "Annie Hall," Woody Allen charged that "a relationship is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. Say thank you for the little things. I've been guilty of keeping score, constantly calculating who had done what. If you are so inclined, keep score of all the positive things your partner does in a day -- and then thank them.
Hopefully they'll get the hint and do the same for you. Practice honesty, even when you're ashamed. If you have maxed out a credit card or two and find yourself hiding the bills each month, you can bet it's going to come back to bite you. Eventually, whether you're applying for a home loan or simply talking about the costs of summer vacation, these kinds of money issues will either be brought to light by a credit report or by the simple fact you can't afford a trip away.
Although infidelity usually happens in bed, it also can happen with money. And it will be a tough road gaining back your spouse's trust if you've lied about overspending. Along that same vein, if you feel you aren't connecting with your partner the way you used to, you need to say something -- now.
I've learned this lesson the hard way. I once let communication issues fester for months on end, failing to verbalize my displeasure, and my husband and I wound up in marriage counseling for nearly a year. It took a third party -- and a real investment on our part -- to get us back on track. If I had not kept telling myself that things would get better on their own, we might not have reached what I call the danger zone. Take care of your appearance.
With many years and a few kids under your belt, it's easy to let your appearance slide. Think about when you first met your partner. Would you have walked around in stained sweatpants and without brushing your teeth?
- 15 Key Secrets To A Successful Marriage
- 11 Ways To Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier, Starting Today
- How To Have A Happy Marriage: 7 Powerful Secrets From Research
My guess is no. I'm not saying you have to look like Julianne Moore every time you settle in for a night of TV. Sometimes my husband will say "wow, you look nice" as I'm walking out the door for a girls' night out. At least pay your spouse the same courtesy you do your friends by fixing yourself up for him or her every once in awhile. Foster relationships outside your marriage. I've been going on girls' trips for as long as I've been married. Yes, I love traipsing off with my spouse and three kids.
But these weekends away with friends are also important. Swapping stories with others and enjoying new experiences make me -- I hope -- a more interesting person for my spouse to be around.
Top 20 Secrets to Building a Great Marriage
When Katie Couric asked Barbra Streisand the secret to her happy year marriage to James Brolin, she replied "time apart. Your marriage should be your primary relationship -- but it needn't be the only one. There are many things you should never say to a longtime spouse, the first being: It's also never a good idea to start a sentence with: We hopefully all have a pretty good sense of ourselves at this point and having someone you love point out a failing in this way does little to engender a loving relationship.
Neither of these is true. If you start a sentence with these words your mate is certain to shut down or start a fight. Stop for a minute and think about what you really mean to say -- and then say that instead.
Put away the jumper cables yourself. In life, there are big things and there are little things. The big things -- draining the bank accounts to support a gambling habit, forgetting to mention that he's in the federal witness relocation program living under a false identity or that he has a second family stashed in Queens -- are of course one-way streets to divorce court.
But most of us don't have problems of that magnitude. Most of us have problems that are more like petty and repeated annoyances, which when fed the steroids of resentment and anger, balloon up like Arnold Schwarzenegger. And we all know what steroids did to his heartright? Most of our problems start out small enough -- he borrows the jumper cables from your car and then leaves them sitting in the driveway just waiting to get run over -- and from that sprouts a giant festering sore.
It leads you to utter words like, "If you loved me you would have put the jumper cables back in my car so that when I get stuck in a bad neighborhood with a dead battery I could save myself," which, in my household, generally results in a reply like "When do you ever drive in bad neighborhoods?
For a happier marriage, address them right away and keep it simple. Relative to participants in the no-treatment condition, participants in the intervention condition were about half as likely to separate or divorce over the next three years 13 versus 24 percent.
And try some self-disclosure. Want to increase the passion in your relationship?
All it takes is a double date and opening up about yourself. When study subjects played a game involving self-disclosure while with another couple, romance was rekindled. When it came to feelings of satisfaction in the relationship, the self-disclosure task was beneficial regardless of whether the couple was on a double date or by themselves.
But when it came to feelings of romantic passion, the self-disclosure task was especially beneficial in the double-date condition.
In short, socializing with our spouse and other people can stoke the romantic fire in our marriage, but only if the socializing is fun and intimate.
To learn 3 secrets from neuroscience that will help you quit bad habits without willpower, click here. That would be bad. But these days we expect spouses to be our everything emotionally. And that is insane. You still need friends. You still need family. So what happens when you have a team of emotional specialist friends in your life? In this nine-month study, breadth and specialization also predicted a decreased likelihood of breakup.
In addition…having a highly specialized social portfolio protected participants from the typical decline in relationship well-being over time. Did you catch that last sentence? The effect is so powerful it actually prevents the decline in relationship well-being that we saw in those scary charts up above. It also has the lovely benefit of not turning your spouse into a widow or widower. A meta-analysis by the psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad reveals that people with high scores on broad measures of social integration—marital status, social network size, and social network participation—are about half as likely to die in a given follow-up interval say, ten years as people with low scores.
This effect is larger than the effects of well-known predictors of mortality like smoking and obesity.
15 Key Secrets to a Successful Marriage | posavski-obzor.info
To see the schedule that very successful people follow every day, click here. But when you two are together, what should you do? Then you fall into a rut and your life together feels as scripted as a bad sitcom. So stop being boring. Keep doing new and exciting things together and the relationship can stay fun. Oh, and something else happens too… A lot more sex. In a study from the psychologist Amy Muise, relationship partners completed questionnaires about their relationship for twenty-one consecutive days.
They reported how much self-expansion they experienced each day by completing items like: When participants reported greater self-expansion on a given day, both they and their partner reported experiencing greater sexual desire in—and greater satisfaction with—the relationship. They were also 36 percent more likely to have sex that day. But your activities do need to be truly novel and exciting.
A study by the psychologist Charlotte Reissman included a more stringent control condition. All couples made a list of activities that they view as exciting and a separate list of activities that they view as pleasant. They were then assigned to engage in either an exciting or a pleasant activity for ninety minutes for each of ten consecutive weeks. To learn the 4 secrets to reading body language like an expert, click here.
Bad things are exceptions, good things are traits: A growth mindset prevents your soulmate from becoming not-your-soulmate. And maybe even thank them. Be enthusiastic and make their little good things into big good things. Self-disclosure is powerful — especially on a double date. Try a new restaurant after you go skydiving: Novel and exciting experiences together makes for happier marriages and increased sexy-time.
So what else do you need to do? I feel silly even saying it: According to one major study, the amount of time that childless Americans spent alone with their spouse declined from thirty-five to twenty-six hours per week from towith much of this decline resulting from an increase in hours spent at work. The decline for Americans with children at home was from thirteen to nine hours per week, with much of it resulting from an increase in time-intensive parenting.
We expect so much from marriage in the modern era — and it does have the potential to deliver on those big expectations. The happiest marriages today are the best they have ever been.