What questions should I ask my recent ex? - relationship breakup feelings | Ask MetaFilter
dumped by an ex? Here are some questions every girl wants to ask their ex and know the answers to as to get closure after the breakup. ask your ex for closure. Would your ex do things differently if you began your relationship today?. The Ex-boyfriend Tag questions are questions you can ask your ex-boyfriend to help you gain closure and perspective on your past relationship. Personally. Feb 8, Unless you have a tenuous or hostile relationship with your ex partner, try to ask him these question. They might help you avoid common.
I suspect this because that's why I'd be doing it if I were you. But there is no sense of closure and finality this meeting can give you, especially not when he's already violated Break-Up Rule No.
But you are going to do this thing anyway. This may have to be filed under 'some things, you can't learn from others' mistakes; you just have to make those mistakes yourself. Now, I did learn a lot from it. But none of what I learned came from any of the questions I asked that night.
It came from putting myself back together in the aftermath. Could I have arrived at the same place with less pain?
Honestly, I don't know. I am sure some people could have.
Me, maybe I needed to go ahead and get burned first. The fact that you are putting this question forth suggests maybe you are the sort of person who can seek help first, and take good advice. If so, I'd suggest listening to the chorus of replies that precede this one. And I am really sorry you're hurting so bad.
It truly does suck, I know. It was delicious, and I'd like to be able to make it myself. I don't think there are any questions that you can ask that don't scream out "pick me". My experience is that asking questions like "why" opens the door to "but I can change," or "well, here's what's wrong with you" which only causes the hurt to linger. You could best temper your expectations about this meeting, should it actually come off, by remembering that he broke up with you and repeatedly said he didn't want to get back together, that your understanding of it being open-ended was false, that meeting with you would make him uncomfortable, and that essentially no good could come of it.
In short, listen to what people are telling you.
26 Questions For The Person Who Dumped You | Thought Catalog
Listen to what he is telling you. I honestly wish you the best Because, if I think you're where you are in this decision making process, I'd go too, even knowing it'll probably be really awkward, really suck, and I'll be twenty times more miserable for doing it. With that said, having been in similarly uncomfortable and heartrending circumstances, I have a feeling that even if you divined or prepared 20 of the best questions anyone has ever asked about a breakup, they'd all go out the window the second you saw him.
Just realize you're running off of your emotional self, and trying to bring some sense of logic or rationale to this situation will probably not go over as you envision it.
If at the end of the day, it's really done and over Well, use this experience as a chance to learn about the little mistruths we all tell ourselves, whether out of hope or denial. But don't feel too badly about doing this. It's a part of life, and the heart wants what it wants. Worst case scenario, if you pay attention to your sadness, anger, and other emotions, you'll learn some invaluable things about yourself and what you really want out of life.
That said, after you recover from the awkward pleasantries From my personal experience, it's usually gone something like: If it's really over there's really nothing you can say that will change his mind, and that includes saying "embarrassing" things. But since you're going on the hopes that he may change his mind, full disclosure is best. When I lie or hide the truth, if it doesn't go my way, I always berate myself and wish I had told a different lie, or not withheld that thing. Honesty is facts, and reality is what it is.
Don't beg, try not to plead too much I've been here too. Know that there's no such thing as the one, just the one feeling of loving someone and being loved. There's many roads to that destination. Especially with this, you may find that the pain is mandatory You are going to have this hanging over your head until he one day does not show up or calls or returns your calls or anything.
It will be sitting there: Yeah, from your description he definitely was not being entirely truthful with you, and there was some definite spinelessness on his part. But it all was sending you clear messages. Which doesn't make it feel better, but it is true.Ladies, when you’re looking for closure, remember this… -- STEVE HARVEY
Finally, you already recognize this is not a great idea, you identify it clearly. Now, listen to yourself because it will be needless torture for both of you. You don't even know what you want to ask him. Deep breaths, find something to distract yourself, let it go, you can be strong. You should be done. I'm genuinely sorry that things didn't work out with this relationship like maybe you wanted them to, but you've GOT to listen to people when they say they don't want to talk to you in person which may actually be a nice way of saying "I don't want to talk to you at all"and you've got respect those wishes.
As so many other people here have said, no contact is really what both of you need here. I really hope this conversation does not end up happening, but if it does, yeah - impersonal logistics are the ONLY thing that have any business being on the table. And not logistics that are sort of being pulled out of the air to kind of justify this meeting - no "hey I think you have a spoon of mine from that time we made ice cream together, hey remember when we made ice cream together?
Focusing on logistics - and trying to get into a mindset where you hope he's GLAD you're focusing on this and not a mindset where, in some drama-feeding way, secretly hoping that you're hurting him by keeping things impersonalis going to do you a lot more good than any sort of personal "but why did you dump me? So this is what you want: So I'm confused why you ask us what you should ask?
What would give YOU closure? What would let YOU feel dignity? Those things might not be the same for you as they would be for me. Eventually, I convinced him to meet up with me so I can ask him all those questions I would've asked if I'd had time and presence of mind and longer than twenty minutes to process I'm wondering what ARE those things that you want to ask him?
Now, there are a couple things I speculate you are wanting to ask. I think I can shed some light on a couple of them in case you don't get a satisfactory answer from him about them. Is one of the things you want to ask him, why did you say that we had a shot at first but now you're saying we don't, what changed?? I don't think anything changed.
Here is what I think is most likely, in order of likeliness. He downplayed it so you wouldn't get upset. There are some people who get scared by making major decisions and freak out about them at first, even if they are pretty sure what they want. They settle down later. I think it was insensitive of him to use you as the sounding board of his indecision about his choice. All in all, not very nice though. What the bloody hell are you talking about? He has broken up with you. The breakup is already finished.
The breakup is finoshed the minute one person indicates that the relationship is over. Take a deep breath and a biiiiig step back because you are acting like a crazy person! You are acting in a way that is going to make you humiliated and ashamed for years to come, in ways that are making him think "wow, I really made the right choice to break up with this crazy lady. You are not healthy or adult right now! You're acting like a kid throwing a tantrum. Listen, I'm not saying this to shame you.
I say it with love because I have been the crazy girl acting the way you are and worse, and trust me when I say that you ARE NOT going to get closure from this meeting. Nothing he can do or say will give you closure. You're not going to get it. And frankly, it's not his job to give you closure or make you feel better. Your relatioship is over and your feelings are none of his business!
He behaved honorably by being honest and straightforward. He isn't going to be able to give you closure.
37 Ex-boyfriend Tag Questions To Help You Gain Closure
In this situation, the ONLY closure you will get is by going no-contact and getting your ass to therapy. Please also read this book which is written in an obnoxious early 's cutesey voice but has the exact help that you need right now.
Always be classy, never be crazy. I'm sorry that you are going through this. You are gonna be ok. Include all your questions. Express your pain and anger. Then, cancel the meeting and burn the letter. These meetings don't go well. He is very unlikely to say anything that will help you process this breakup. It's like a thorn in your soul. If you want it to stop hurting, then stop dicking around with the thorn and just fucking yank it out and go no contact.
Send him one more message saying, "you know what, that meeting was a bad idea. Sorry for bringing it up. Let's just move on. I'll be fine, you'll be fine, and I wish you the best in everything you do. Which also implies you're aware of the inherent gamble. But, life is about risks. Go for it then - if you're successful, you will get what you want.
And if you're not, you will be as prepared as the best of them to deal with it. It's about the attitude you take to the reality. The reality is completely crap, and I'm sorry. The most useful question you could ask him is, "This is hard for me, so can you help me out with the no-contact thing by not contacting me from now on, ever, at all? And let it be. Anything else is putting up your peace of mind as collateral to borrow a whole lot of misery.
Please regroup and try again? I cringe when I think about those long, drawn out conversations we had. What made it worse was that we lived together at the time university house and I had to see him every day so there were plenty of opportunities to continue trying to find out why we broke up and what I had done wrong.
Jen who loves Ponies - don't put yourself through that if you can avoid it. If you really have to ask him, then no-one on the internet can tell you what questions to ask, that's for you to decide. Sometimes there's just nothing to be done. And you'll only ask questions to which you may not want to hear an answer. Get a hobby, distract yourself as much as you can and I promise one day you'll wake up and be fine again.
OP, I think it's pretty common to get a bit of pushback in situations like this - whether that's here, or in real life. And when that happens, I think many of the people giving the pushback are sincerely trying to give you advice for your own good. I just wanted to give you my note of support, because the conventional wisdom around this seems really weird to me. That someone can "rush into" an "intense" relationship with you, enjoy your body, encourage you to start bonding to them, and then ditch you abruptly - and if you react with anything other than the calm acceptance of the Dalai Lama, you're acting like a crazy lady who is totally disrespectful of others' feelings and rights and way out of line.
Some people will tell you that people who interacted with you in that way didn't do anything wrong and you need to just chill out and get over it.
But, I think it can often be pretty callous towards the reality that not all human beings are just "cool with" having something like that happen to them. I don't think the fact that you are really upset, confused, and seeking closure shows that there is something wrong with you.
I think it just means that sex and expressions of intense feelings makes you bond. I don't think the person who bonds is wrong and out of line while the person who doesn't is just doing what they are entitled to do and it's all fine and dandy. I think a lot of this is based on The streak of misogyny that started in the '60s, when everyone was supposed to be open to whatever and having free love, and that turned out great for a lot of guys and pretty miserable for a lot of women.
I just wanted to bolster you because I don't think there's anything wrong with you or what you are looking for. He broke up with you and then got in contact with you a bunch of times to talk over his confused feelings. You are confused and want to talk too. IMO, that makes you just one of the many variations of normal. He sounds very empathetic for a guy who is doing a break-up for the first time, and trying to do the right thing.
The problem going on here is that he is expressing that he is conflicted about his decision and dragging things out. Now that is not so good or kind to the other person. You break up or you don't, you don't play with someone's emotions that way. However, he may have been feeling quite overwhelmed by your distress, and was trying to let you down more easily. YOU need to be the strong one here, and cut things off, clearly he is incapable of follow-through, and is just dragging out the misery for both of you.
However, I had some very specific questions that I wanted answered. Even though I had very specific questions and things I wanted to say, having that conversation with my ex was horrible. If you were the one to initiate the breakup, but you did it in anger and now regret it, this question will help you find out the truth.
Maybe your ex was waiting for you to leave him or he simply tried to make you walk away from him. What did I do wrong? If you have a friendly relationship with your ex, asking this type of question may help you explore your flaws that may prevent you from building a successful relationship. Do not dwell on his words, though. Remember we all have negative traits to get rid of. What could we do to save our love?
This will hopefully help you to move on. Did you ever cheat on me? Okay, there is no sense in digging in the past. But again, you will know what you missed and ignored in your previous relationship. You know, guys are sneaky when it comes to cheating.
Since your relationship is over, he may want to tell you the truth. Do you think about me at times? Just because a guy thinks about you does not mean he loves you. It means you are a wonderful gal who has many good traits.
There is definitely something that makes your ex think about you at times. Did you respect my parents because I asked you to? You want your future husband to respect your parents. Like I said, in the beginning everything seems to be great, but pretending is a bad policy. Many couples have trouble getting along with in-laws and this often leads to breakups.
If your ex confesses he never loved or respected your family, make sure you will be more careful with your partners in the future. Do your parents ask about me?