How To Overcome Your Relationship Anxiety | Thought Catalog
Whether you're in a long-term committed relationship or fresh off a swiping session on Tinder, relationship anxiety can — and likely will — pop. Insecurity, as most of us know firsthand, can be toxic to our closest relationships. And while it can bounce back and forth from partner to partner. The concept of dating, relationships, marriage—even divorce—can evoke feelings of anxiety in many. This is a natural component of.
Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety. You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here.
What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety?
The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large. Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions.
Critical Inner Voices about the Relationship People just wind up getting hurt.
How To Overcome Your Relationship Anxiety
Relationships never work out. Men are so insensitive, unreliable, selfish. Women are so fragile, needy, indirect. He only cares about being with his friends. Why get so excited? She is too good for you. As soon as she gets to know you, she will reject you. As we shed light into our past, we quickly realize there are many early influences that have shaped our attachment pattern, our psychological defenses and our critical inner voice.
- New Relationship? Here Are 5 Ways To Overcome Your Anxiety
All of these factors contribute to our relationship anxiety and can lead us to sabotage our love lives in many ways. Listening to our inner critic and giving in to this anxiety can result in the following actions: Cling — When we feel anxious, our tendency may be to act desperate toward our partner. We may stop feeling like the independent, strong people we were when we entered the relationship.
As a result, we may find ourselves falling apart easily, acting jealous or insecure or no longer engaging in independent activities. Control — When we feel threatened, we may attempt to dominate or control our partner. This behavior can alienate our partner and breed resentment. Reject — If we feel worried about our relationship, one defense we may turn to is aloofness.
We may become cold or rejecting to protect ourselves or to beat our partner to the punch. These actions can be subtle or overt, yet it is almost always a sure way to force distance or to stir up insecurity in our partner. Withhold — Sometimes, as opposed to explicit rejection, we tend to withhold from our partner when we feel anxious or afraid. Perhaps things have gotten close, and we feel stirred up, so we retreat.
We hold back little affections or give up on some aspect of our relationship altogether.
Withholding may seem like a passive act, but it is one of the quietest killers of passion and attraction in a relationship. Punish — Sometimes, our response to our anxiety is more aggressive, and we actually punish, taking our feelings out on our partner.
New Relationship? Here Are 5 Ways To Overcome Your Anxiety - Jordan Gray Consulting
We may yell and scream or give our partner the cold shoulder. In this state of fantasy, we focus on form over substance. We may stay in the relationship to feel secure but give up on the vital parts of relating. In a fantasy bond, we often engage in many of the destructive behaviors mentioned above as a means to create distance and defend ourselves against the anxiety that naturally comes with feeling free and in love. Learn more about the fantasy bond here.
In order to overcome, relationship anxiety, we must shift our focus inward. What critical inner voices are exacerbating our fears? What defenses do we possess that could be creating distance? This process of self-discovery can be a vital step in understanding the feelings that drive our behavior, and ultimately, shape our relationship.
By looking into our past, we can gain better insight into where these feelings come from. What caused us to feel insecure or turned on ourselves in relation to love? Will this ever end? Should I listen to my anxiety and run, or hunker down and stick it out? And why is that? Entering a promising relationship, with real long-term potential can be anxiety producing. Your ego starts thrashing about inside your head and saying things like: You know it and eventually they will figure it out.
You better get out while you still can… the pain will be less devastating if you get out now. And falling in love with someone is the ultimate dissolution aka death of your ego. So how do you keep your anxiety from ruining your new relationship? How do you know whether your anxiety is highlighting a real threat or incompatibility versus simply a passing wave of emotion that will leave you alone in due time?
Here are five tools that you can use to help you navigate relationship anxiety. It puts your mind in the future, and places you in a fear-based, invented place. More often than not with people who deal with anxiety, our minds are simply fountains of noise, spewing off endless fears that are ultimately unproductive. Some of which actually happened. Differentiating between guidance anxiety and sabotaging fear Guidance anxiety is the anxiety that is active inside of you because it wants to tell you something real.
You may have also experienced guidance anxiety in a relationship when there actually was a core incompatibility between you and your significant other and your body told you to get out.