Study examines effects of confiding relationship problems
5 reasons why you shouldn't share relationship problems with friends or family we feel in our relationship, how much we love each other, there are moments of. Sharing your relationship problems can feel like a very personal thing. to anonymously share what you're going through or read about other people's issues. Sharing relationship problems for advice with best friend . I intensely dislike being responsible for helping others through their interpersonal.
Rather than listening and then comparing their thoughts to mine I was just acting based on what they thought without giving myself time to process and think about how I felt. I am of the mind that no one knows what's going on in a relationship aside from the two people in it. Because of this I will never be able to accurately portray whatever the issue is to an outsider.
Because of these two things I now completely steer clear of talking about my relationships with other people. Any relationships - friendships too. I have taken Eleanor Roosevelt's quote to heart: That said, I find a therapist to be an incredible resource for talking through relationships.
They have no stake in the outcome; and will ideally never interact with any of the people I have relationships with unless we all are there together. I used to treat friends like therapists and that's not what a friendship is, at least not for me anymore.
Now my life is truly drama free too because I really don't get involved in anyone's relationships but my own. Disclosure and sharing tends to be reciprocal, so if I don't talk about relationships and other people, my friends don't either.
I like that, personally.
I intensely dislike being responsible for helping others through their interpersonal dramas, but that is just me. As with all things, though: If you can take advice without internalizing it and behaving in ways that you don't actually want to behave like I used to do!
Live your life by your terms and your own comfort and don't worry about what random people on the Internet say, especially when it's a generalization that can't possibly apply to every situation or person. Everyone needs a support network, which is multiple people to talk about various problems. Sure, the SO should be the highest on the list or at least 2ndbut definitely always have multiple people to discuss things with. If fact, I'd consider it unhealthy if an SO insisted I only talk to them.
That would be a huge red flag for toxic insecurity. As a married guy, I've just had to accept that my wife's friends know a bit more about than I'd volunteer, but that's not big deal since I'm not a huge asshole doing things I should be hiding. Not sharing something your partner would be uncomfortable with other people knowing. One of the things that I, at least, expect in a relationship is that we'll guard each other's vulnerabilities.
So if I know that sharing something with a friend would hurt his feelings I won't do it. This doesn't mean I wouldn't talk about it at all if it was something I needed advice on, but I would find people to talk to in a way that would preserve his anonymity. So I might ask an anonymous question on AskMe, rather than venting to my best friend. Not sharing only the bad things. Like anything else, people remember the bad and discard the good.
So if my friend tells me mostly good things about her partner, but tosses in the occasional story about how she wishes he would stop leaving toothpaste in the sink, I can sympathize and still think they have a good relationship.
Talking to friends about relationship problems
If she is always listing the things he does wrong, however, I start to think that either she's very judgemental, or he's a pain in the ass. If she tells me a story about him causing her real emotional distress, I won't forgive or forget it easily. So "don't discuss the inner workings of your relationship with your friends" isn't a hard and fast rule, but a guideline to remind people that once you've shared something it's out there and you won't be able to control how your friend reacts to it.
She gives me insight and I have her some as well. I think everyone needs SOMEONE to vent to, especially because sometimes the venting is something you can do with your bestfriend and then realize, all the sudden, that it wasn't as big of a deal as you thought it was or worth an arguement with your SO. However, I do NOT think this applies to family. I would never share things about my realtionship that were really personal with my sibilings, and I would expect my husband to do the same.
If I ever hear of him saying those things to family members - in laws, sibligs, my family, whoever - I would be livid. So, I guess it is a double edged sword if it isn't something that you have discussed with your SO on WHO is appropriate in these situations.
- What NOT to do when you’re having relationship problems
Yes if I'm having problems I want to get some outside input and will ask friends' advice. But no I don't bash my partner, even if I'm mad because he's done something, I try to present it as a my-side, his side, trying to resolve it together.
Because people remember what you tell them, and they will form opinions about your spouse and relationship based on the picture you leave them with.
Breaking up with someone and then later deciding to get back together with them though, that can ruin friendships. A friend decided he was leaving his common-law spouse and came to me for advice a month into the breakup. Epic drama ensued, and I witnessed some spectacular manipulation and anxiety from her end. Then he cut contact entirely as per my advice, she seemed to move on and get better, he decided to live it up in his new singledom Very hard for me to support that, and of course now he saw me as an enemy to their relationship.
Talking to friends about relationship problems | Relate
Unsurprisingly, a year and a half later, they are actually split up now. Of course, it's only in recent times that this has been feasible. Things to watch out for: If there is something that they would not want to get out, or that would be embarrassing, or they told to you in confidence then that is an egregious breach of trust.
Remember, it's not just your personal life - it's your partner's personal life too and they get a say in whose business it is. Two questions to ask yourself before venting to a friend - 1.
Would you still bring this up if you knew for a fact your conversation would get back to your partner?
If you partner was talking about the exact same thing to their buddy, would you be fine with it? And of course he could do the same with his close friends.
And there would likely be exceptions -- things one of us would prefer to keep extremely private -- and we would discuss those as they came up.
5 reasons why shouldn't share relationship problems with friends or family. - Valerian Sequeira
I think this is one of those "every relationship gets to make its own rules" situations, and you need to consider how you and your partner both feel about the issue. The answer isn't the same for everyone.
In the past, during times like this, I would speak pretty openly with a few close friends, but always with the distinct feeling after that I was overburdening my friends with TMI, and more importantly creating a kind of emotional asymmetry between my partner and I. In my current relationship, I've learned a difficult lesson time and time again when I've turned to friends for a listening ear.Stop Telling PEOPLE Your RELATIONSHIP Problems!
When life becomes difficult: It is natural to turn to those close to us when we hit a roadblock in life. And this is a wonderful thing because they provide us with a listening ear and give us the best help possible.
They offer us a shoulder to cry on and they walk with us as we make our way back. Giving the most precious aspect of your life i. Here are the five reasons… 1. Moreover, because they are connected to you, they can fall into the trap of becoming your ally by making your spouse the enemy.
They give you advice from their experience: Many a time when all falls apart, couples go to someone who is married for decades in search of advice. While the values of relationships remain the same, the dynamics and how couples interact with each other has changed drastically since then. Secondly, every human being is unique; every relationship is different; thus what worked for that person might not work for you.
They care for themselves as much as for you: This is one of their biggest challenges. They can project their relationship troubles: Why would she say that?